Hello Ms Vicki,

"My daughter married a Navy guy who just finished his boot camp several months ago. She recently moved to Norfolk, Va., to be with him. He turned in all of his paperwork to add her to the DEERS system, and applied for his BAH after the marriage. This was four months ago and nothing has come through yet. How long does this all take? 

They also turned down her moving expenses stating that they got married after she received his orders for his home base. This makes no sense to me. My other daughter married a Marine and none of this was a problem. They paid her moving expenses under similar circumstances. His BAH kicked in right away. I don't understand what is going on here. Is there anything that can be done?" 

-- Navy Procedures 

Dear Navy, 

I’m not sure what’s taking so long to start his entitlements. He should continue to visit the finance office. If there are any mistakes they’re obligated to correct them. Here’s what I know: If she wasn’t on his orders, they won’t pay for her moving expenses or travel. 

Regarding the BAH, I don’t know if rules have changed, but there was a time when you had to be authorized to live off base — especially if housing on base is available. If no base housing is available they would give him a “statement of non-availability” meaning there was no on base housing, and he’s ok to live off-base and collect BAH. I don’t know if this is the case. 

He should check with the housing office on base for this information. Again, he should continue to follow up with the finance office and his commander regarding his pay. Please give your family my best and I hope everything will work out in their favor. Keep in touch at your leisure.

"My grandson is stationed at Ft. Campbell, Ky., and his wife is near the end of an extremely difficult pregnancy. He was deployed soon after his assignment to Ft. Campbell, and they have not yet had the opportunity to locate any services. There are three other children involved. An 8-year-old boy and 2- and 3- year-old girls. His wife will undergo her fourth c-section and has been referred to the Women's Hospital in Nashville, where she was recently hospitalized for three days. 

His wife hasn’t been placed on strict bed rest, but has been told to do no lifting.  As you can see, with the ages of the children that is almost an impossible order. Do you know of any agencies that can help her with the children both now and after the birth of the new baby which is some time within the next seven weeks? Any assistance you can give would be greatly appreciated."

-- A Concerned Grandmother

Dear Concerned Grandmother,

Thank you so much for being a concerned. I wish there were more like you. I would contact the hospital’s on-base social workers because I know they’ll be able to provide guidance to get them to the right resources. I know there are resources to help their family. Please call Blanchfield Army Community Hospital (BACH) and ask for them to page the hospital social worker, connect you to them, or give you their number. Explain the situation regarding your grandson’s wife and his family. The will connect you to the proper resources. Their number is 270-798-8400. Please stay in touch with me and let me know how they are doing. 

"My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year and he's been gone about half the time. Right now he's stationed in Afghanistan. He was just here visiting and we talked about how hard it would be to stay together while he would be gone for the next nine months, plus one year. 

He said he wanted his freedom but he didn't want to break it off with me. He could see that I didn’t want to break it off either but he tells me things like he just wants to pursue his career and he doesn't want to miss me. He also thinks it's a bad time to be involved. 

There is a female in his platoon and she's not bad looking at all, and I hate to think something could happen between them. I really like him but I don't think he's that into me right now. I don't know what to do. 

We haven't been around each other enough to really fall in love, but I think I may be falling for him, but it's hard to do that when he says it won't work then turns around and says he believes it will. It's like he can't make up his mind. Any advice?" 

-- Long Distance Girlfriend

Dear LDG,

You're right -- he’s just not that into you. Don’t take it personal, though. From your letter it sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants right now. Here’s the deal, you can’t waste your time, energy and invest your heart into someone who doesn’t want to even want to try and establish a relationship with you across the miles. Long distance relationships can work. They do all the time. However, it takes two people who really want to work hard and make them work. That’s what you deserve. So here’s the deal, I know he’ll be in Afghanistan but I will begin to limit communication with him until you aren’t communicating at all. 

Having a relationship with this guy will put you on a constant roller coaster. You could pass by a great guy everyday thinking about this “zero.” I regret if I’m being harsh, but I hope you understand. Take care and keep in touch with me. Let me know what you decide. Let me know how you are doing from time to time.