Hi Miss Vicki,

"I'm a new Army wife. My husband decided to join the Army at age 40 after working in the IT field for many years mostly in contract situations where most of them never lasted beyond six months. I can honestly say that he's in a better place, mentally and physically, just knowing that he can provide for his family.

He's presently getting ready to graduate from Fort Gordon in three weeks and he was given Baumholder, Germany as his next unit for 36 months. Now here is where the problem lies. My daughter and I are both Permanent Residents -- we are Jamaican Nationals therefore we still carry out Jamaican passports. I need help finding out if we need to get Shengen visas in order for us to go with him, or do we qualify for the Sofa Stamp just by being having command sponsorship and holding military id cards? 

I have tried to contact the German mission in Atlanta, which serves the state that I live in -- North Carolina. But to my surprise no one there could give me a direct answer. Everyone says, "I think," and I want to be sure. Time is of the essence here. I'm trying not to stress about it, but I would like to get started because I read that the process time for German residency can be anywhere between one to three months. If there is any advice that you can offer in this situation, I would greatly appreciate it." 

-- Sofa Stamp

Dear Sofa Stamp,

I want to say you should be safe since you're on his orders and have a passport. However, I’m like you, I’d rather you be safe and have everything in order. Here are my suggestions. This is for your husband to do at Fort Gordon or you can if you live near an installation in North Carolina: I would contact the passport office on base. I know they would be able to answer this question for you. Your husband’s commander or someone in the S1 shop (administration) should be able to answer questions for your husband regarding his orders and what you'll need. If you know the name of the airline carrier who will fly you to Germany, you could contact them and ask them what you need. Finally, consider contacting the legal office on base for more information. I’m happy to know that everything is working out for you and your family. I hope you enjoy living in Germany for three years. Continue to take care of yourself and your family. 

Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing. 

"I would like to say thank you for your columns. I like reading your advice for the other spouses. My husband has been deployed to Kuwait for six months and today will be a week since he left. Let me just say that its been hard to let him go but I’m trying to stay strong for him. I heard from my husband Sunday for the first time and he and let me know that we can Web chat but I don’t know how to get started. Where do I begin? Any advice? "

-- Web Rookie 

Dear Web Rookie,

I hope you're doing okay since your husband deployed. Please take care of yourself while he's away. Try to stay busy, exercise, get plenty of rest and seek support from family and friends who love you. I know it won’t be easy, but I believe you can make it. 

A Web chat is a system that allows users to communicate in real time using easily accessible Web interfaces. It is a type of internet online chat distinguished by its simplicity and accessibility to users who don't want to download other Web chat software. This allows users instantaneous access and only a Web browser is required to chat. I’m more familiar with the Web cam, versus Web chat.

It’s a simple process to get started. Staying in touch with your husband is very important. Please give your husband my best and stay in touch when you can. 

"Dear Ms. Vicki, I'm  having serious marital problems with my husband. He's in the Navy. The major problem is not his drinking, it's his violence and lack of responsibility to our household. As far as the violence, he gets drunk, then mad and takes it out on me by doing whatever,whenever. He doesn’t care that I'm pregnant. He actually fights me and all I can do is try to get him off of me. Last time he choked me on the bed until I almost passed out. I asked him to leave and he said he was, but he paid rent in July and said he wasn’t leaving. 

I tried to be a good wife and deal with this as best I can. But every day it's something new. This month he decided not to pay rent again. Instead, he spent his money on women and hotels, then had the women call my house. The baby is due this month and we have nothing! It’s a nightmare. He is on a destructive path and all I can do is get myself and my children out of danger. But I’d rather save my marriage." 

-- Please Help

Dear Please Help,

You need to get the hell out of that house immediately! Please, I’m begging you don't stay. This is not a situation that yo'll be able to make better, it will only get worse. Why should you have to deal with this? You are putting yourself in danger, your unborn child, as well as other children in danger.

You need to go to your Fleet and Family Services for help. They'll get you to safety and get you a Victim’s Advocate, too. As a matter of fact, I would call the Military Police and tell them to get you to safety. They'll know what to do immediately. 

You're husband is an abusive alcoholic. and My God, he is choking you! It will only be a matter of time before he does something fatal. You can’t think about your marriage right now. Think about yourself and your children. Get out NOW! This is not your fault and you can't suffer in silence. Your husband needs serious help. Furthermore, you'll need professional advice, too. You're definitely caught in the cycle of violence and you feel like this is your problem and you have to fix him. Please believe me, you can’t. Please e-mail me again and let me know that you are safe.