"Dear Ms. Vicki, My poor son found out that his wife (married only a year and a half) had an affair with another military guy while on her first deployment. She went to basic training, and then she met the guy at tech school. She has been away for a total of six months. My son’s heart is torn in two. He's confused. Should he leave her while there are no children involved, or should they try to work it out? What do you do when trust is broken? I need some words of wisdom. Thank you. "

-- A Hurting Mother.

Dear Hurting Mother,

I regret to inform you that I hear this story all too often. This is what my experience taught me. Many of our young servicemembers, both male and female, marry too soon for many reasons. Many of them are just out of high school or away from close family and friends for the first time. They marry to have someone close and to have a sense of family. As a result, this is a time of self discovery and many of them realize they still want to have their freedom, and don't want to be totally committed.

I know you're hurting. I'm the mother of three young sons, too. It really takes a lot out of me when they're going through relationship troubles or any troubles for that matter. I think marriages can survive infidelity. I know many that have with the help of honesty, marital counseling and spiritual advice.

I would first advise them to seek counseling. Even if the marriage doesn't survive I think counseling is important so the two of them won’t continue to make the same mistakes in a relationship. Your son needs to be focused during deployments and he needs to be emotionally and mentally in good shape. I would advise you to be somewhat of a sideline coach. You see, he is playing in this game (for lack of a better word). You can only be his coach, not a player and not the person who takes over. This is not to say you should be passive, and I know it won’t be easy for you to let him work through this without your intervention. More importantly if you are like me I know you would like to give his wife a piece of your mind.  However, you must stay as neutral as possible. Continue to show love and support for your son and your daughter in-law, too. I think it's great that they have no children to this union. It will give them both a chance to grow up. Again, I think marriages can survive infidelity, but to me honest this is not a good sign either. Keep in touch with me and let me know how you are doing from time to time.

Hello Ms. Vicki,

"I'm a 34-year-old woman. I met my Marine when I was married to my first husband in a college. We were always good friends. After my husband passed away, we seemed destined for one another. I had no idea how hard separation from a loved one is. I suffered from stress being married to my first with his health conditions, albeit hard, I managed. But this is my second deployment with my husband and I find it quiet hard to swallow.

Being far from family is hard. Being isolated off base two town over makes getting acquainted with other Marine wives difficult. And it seems every deployment horrible things happen to the point I ask myself what happened to that secure, well-educated woman. I feel Lost. I feel as though I'm wandering through life on "pause." Just waiting for him to return so I may continue our lives together.  I know family, friends, recreation, hobbies, and work are great ways to distract one's mind and make the days, weeks and months fly by. But my current health condition and my location prevent a lot. In fact, I'm learning Spanish and pashto for fun.  Deployments are harsh. I don't know how the men who are married lifers cope with this. I would love to know the secret to their success."

-- Lost Marine Wife

Dear Marine Wife,

Sometimes life can deal us some unfortunate cards to play. We are both living witnesses to that. Please know that I hear what you are saying and I understand. My husband is active duty Army and I know first hand that deployments are difficult. I did many things to try and pass the time so I could remain sane. I received support from many sources, not only from the military community. I had many civilian friends who helped me. In a way it was good for me to be with them because they were often clueless to what was going on in my world and they could be objective and give me advice from a civilian point of view. I also depend on my faith and prayer to get me through. So, whatever the positive things you're doing to help you through, keep doing them. The death of a spouse if difficult, too.

You're probably still grieving his loss in many ways. I’m not sure if you had counseling to help you move forward. However, I would encourage you to do so even though you are remarried. While your husband is deployed use this time for some self exploration. Contact Military OneSource and they will connect you with a counselor in your immediate community area. This person can provide support and advice. Their number is (800) 342-9647. You have been doing a lot of right things during this deployment and I applaud you. Keep in touch with me and use the resource information offered on military.com. I think you know the secret to success and your already have it -- you're determined that you're going to make it.

Do you have a question for Ms. Vicki about deployments, making new friends at a new duty station, or military life in general? E-mail her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com, and she'll answer your questions. Two Q&As will be published on Military.com's Advisor channel.