First, let me say that I wholeheartedly applaud all servicemembers who are divorced with children and spend time with their children. Most Americans who share custody with their exs have a tough time with this financially. With the price of airline tickets and gasoline, seeing your kids this summer is expensive. Nonetheless, you spent the money so you could spend the summer with your children. My hat's off to you. With that said, I want to encourage other fathers and mothers to do the same. Don't let months or years go by without visiting with your children. Everyday brings new adventures and challenges for your children and you should be a part of it. Missing out on their formative years would be a tremendous loss for you and your children.

I recently counseled children of divorced parents at a local summer camp and I interacted on many levels with the children to include one on one. There was one noticeable statistic: 80 percent of the children at this specific camp told me they believed the divorce between their parents was their fault. This is not new information, but still staggering just the same. Moreover, all of the children stated they wished they could spend more time with the noncustodial parent. With that said, if you’re the noncustodial parent you should be committed to spend time with your children as often as your can and let them know how important they are.

Here are some ways to do that if they're visiting you:

When your kids come to visit, give them a tour of the base. This will help them feel at home and integrate to military life and become familiar to the base. Remember, they’re removed from military culture and lifestyle on a daily basis and it would give them a better understanding of what the parents encounter and experience every day. Even more it will give them a sense of belonging.

Talk to your children about your job and your position. If you ask most military children "what does your father or mothers do?" They'll say, "my dad is in the Army, or my mom is in the Air Force." They have no knowledge or clue other than the name of the branch of service. Try breaking down your mission or operationally define what you do on a daily basis. The clarity will help them, and increase their confidence enormously.

Family separations and divorce can wreak havoc on a child's self esteem. Spending some alone time with them will give you the opportunity to increase their esteem and self worth.

These parents had made a great decision by choosing to enroll their children in a summer camp. It provided opportunities to attend field trips and learn new skills and most of all interact with other military children.

Show good, balanced discipline. If you have children with your new wife or husband you specifically want to be equitable with all children. If discipline isn't fair and equitable for all the children in the home, the visiting child will think the following: I'm not wanted, I'm not loved, I'm in the way, this is not my home and I'm not welcomed here. I'm not saying don’t discipline, but I'm saying be fair and impartial to everyone.

Many visiting children, specifically the males, report their fathers are always fussing and swearing at them. Some candidly said, "Ms. Vicki, my dad thinks I'm one of his Soldiers but I'm not."

A power struggle between a parent and child is detrimental to the relationship. In my professional opinion, the parent will always lose. Avoid the power struggles and enjoy your children. It’s not about being right, it's about being fair.

Schedule regular phone calls to your children. They need to hear your voice often. You can never say I love you enough. During these calls ask them about their friends, school, grades and other activities. Trust me, they would be happy to share this with you because it will let them know you care about them and what’s going on in their life.

You may reside in a different state or far away from you child in proximity. However, you can still remain emotionally close to your children. They deserve it and so do you.

Do you have a question for Ms. Vicki about deployments, making new friends at a new duty station, or military life in general? E-mail her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com, and she'll answer your questions. Two Q&As will be published on Military.com's Advisor channel.