Hello Vicki,

“I’m seriously having a hard time adjusting to this Army wife life since my husband is currently serving his first tour in Afghanistan. I’m currently six months pregnant and everyday activities are starting to take a toll on me physically and mentally. I’m now at the point I find myself waking up every morning in tears because my whole body is aching with pain. I’m at home with a 6-year-old little boy and a 1-year-old girl. It’s sometimes hard for me to drag myself out of bed to get one dressed for school and the other one for day care. The further I get to my due date the worse I get. I really need my husband at home with me. I have no family here at the Ft. Hood Army Base and I moved here to be with him after we got married. This last addition to our family was not planned at all, but I’m preparing myself for her. I know it probably sounds like I am being a whiney, helpless wife but I’m not. I just really need help right now and I want my husband. I hear women talk about how they’re taking this drug and that drug to cope. I’ve never taken any drugs to cope with any issues I had in my life. I know I have faith. This is something that is very hard. Thanks for listening to me.” --  K.S.

Hi K.S.,

Thank you so much for writing and sharing what you’re currently experiencing. I don't think you're whining at all. You’re experiencing a whole range of emotions, which are real and normal. Many spouses experience the same feelings, especially in the early phase of the deployment. Here's the deal: You must take care of yourself right now. Please allow me to be honest: From your description of how you feel it sounds like depression. This could be a combination of pregnancy and hormonal changes or from the emotional/mental challenges of coping with deployment. Because of this, I think you should discuss these symptoms with your doctor — feeling melancholy, sad, can't pull yourself out of bed, etc.

Again, this could all be related to deployment, moving to a new area and the absence of your husband. Conversely, I can diagnose symptoms of depression, but I have to stay in my lane and refer you for further medical examination, especially since you’re pregnant. You’re not alone with these feelings. Again, I urge you to talk to your doctor.

Secondly, contact the Social Work Service Department on your base and ask if they can refer you to a counselor. Look for a counselor who could be a source of support during this difficult time for you. I'm not implying that you are "crazy" or anything. I really want you to have some support close by.

Thirdly, visit the ACS office and see what resources they have to help spouses and families cope with deployment, OK, I don't want you to stay shut in your house and be isolated. I know this is tough, especially this being your first deployment. However, I believe it will get better.

Lastly, reach out to any family and close friends who will be of some support to you. I know you are a good mother. Research shows that infants and children pick up the emotional cues from their care giver. So if you’re happy (for the most part) then your children will do the same. And, if you’re constantly sad and not coping your children will feel the same way too. Just know that I’m here for you and I want you to be OK. Here's the reality, your husband may not be released to come home and check on you right now. I know it sounds unfair, but it’s the truth. Please stay in touch with me and let me know how you are doing and any updates ok.
Try to have a great weekend!

Do you have a question for Ms. Vicki about deployments, making new friends at a new duty station, or military life in general? E-mail her at AskMsVicki@military-inc.com, and she'll answer your questions. Two Q&As will be published on Military.com's Advisor channel.