You finally track down services for your son with Down syndrome, your daughter with severe asthma, and your other son with multiple learning disabilities. And now it's time to move again.

That was Heather Hebdon's life during her husband's 22-year Army career. She knows firsthand how hard it is for military families with disabled members to start over every time they move. At every new duty station, she struggled to find the services all three children needed. "We were constantly reinventing the wheel," Heather remembers.

On their own, it can take families up to eighteen months to reconnect with services after a move. First they have to find the services. Then, if there aren't enough resources to go around, the new kid in town goes to the bottom of the waiting list. And then it's almost time to move again.

In addition to frequent moves and school systems with limited resources, these families also face financial challenges. For instance, if a specialized formula isn't a baby's only form of sustenance, Tricare won't cover it. That left one family struggling to pay for special formula that cost $40 a bottle, four bottles a day.

Deployments can be especially stressful. Anna Beck's husband deployed three times during their son's first three years. Anna didn't just celebrate their little boy's birthdays alone; she managed his medical crises by herself, too.

He has Down syndrome, and when he was seven months old he had to undergo surgery to remove a blockage from his airway. Anna herself was only twenty years old and alone on Fort Carson, making one critical medical decision after another. Looking back, she says, "I was so scared and I could not turn to my husband because he was thousands of miles away."

Other families are left out when their unit hosts a family holiday party in a place with no wheelchair access. Or a deaf spouse arrives at a newcomers brief only to find that no one can interpret for her.

"You're asked to be all you can be," Heather Hebdon says, "but when there are problems, you sense that the military community doesn't embrace you."

So in 1985, Heather founded STOMP -- Specialized Training of Military Parents (http://www.stompproject.org). It's a nationwide, civilian-run organization that provides information and training for military parents whose children have special medical, educational, or mental health needs.

Two years after starting STOMP, Heather and her husband were invited to become one of the first families to enroll in an official new program that the military was launching for families like theirs. The Exceptional Family Member Program, or EFMP, is now mandatory for the estimated 100,000 military families who are caring for special needs children or dependent parents.

EFMP -- which can be found on at Militaryhomefront.dod.mil -- has two goals: filter assignments and support the families. To filter assignments, the program first documents the services each family needs, then takes those needs into account during the assignment process.

It won't prevent servicemembers from being deployed or sent where their skills are most needed, but whenever possible they'll be assigned to locations with the necessary services, or else arrangements will be made for an unaccompanied tour.

In Heather's case, she and the children went with her husband to Germany, but when he went to Korea they remained behind at Fort Lewis. Then he rejoined them for a follow-on tour at Lewis.

The family support side of EFMP varies from service to service. Lesa Didas is the EFMP coordinator for Marine Corps Recruit Depot Parris Island, Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort, and the Eastern Recruiting Region. She advocates vigorously for the families she supports.

According to Lesa, "We educate parents on what they're entitled to by law. If they're having trouble with a school, they can call me, and if I can't help I'll refer them to someone who can."

Lesa also maintains an database of resources. She helps families with issues such as billing, Tricare, and accessing equipment Tricare doesn't pay for. And she smoothes the transition when it's time to move.

Despite this, some servicemembers resist enrolling in EFMP because they're afraid it will hurt their career. It's a common fear, but STOMP's Heather Hebdon provides an objective reality check: "Enrollment in EFMP is not included in promotion packages and it can't be used to limit opportunities for training. If that were to happen, it would be discriminatory and could be challenged legally."

Heather points out that former Sergeant Major of the Army Jack Tilley rose to the top after enrolling in EFMP, as did General James Jones, the 32nd Commandant of the Marine Corps.

"For every one family in the program there are probably two more who could benefit," says Lesa Didas. "Even if they don't think they qualify, it doesn't hurt to ask."

Other resources include:

• TA Alliance from the U.S. Department of Education, which maintains Parent Information Centers in each state.
  
• National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities, providing information on disabilities and your rights under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, the law that authorizes special education.
  Wrightslaw, an in-depth resource about the laws governing special education.

Lesa spends her days helping her EFMP families maximize their strengths. "A lot of times the spouses are facing these issues alone because their servicemember is deployed. But they just keep going. They shrug and say, 'It's what we do.' Every day I go home and say wow."