I am Italian and somewhat jealous when it comes to my husband. It runs in our blood. The concept of sharing a husband with other women is completely incomprehensible to me, and I’ll often remind my husband that there are still numerous passion murders when a husband cheats on his wife.

With the raid on the compound in Eldorado, Texas and the ongoing investigation over polygamy, the debate about having multiple wives and sharing a husband is everywhere.

I interviewed several women who had lived or still practice polygamy and tried to understand how someone chooses this lifestyle.

I spoke with Anne Wilde, co-founder of Principle Voices, a group that advocates for women in plural marriages (the preferred term) and Flora Jessop, a woman who escaped from a polygamous lifestyle and is now involved with organizations that help abused women escape from fundamentalist groups.

I was surprised by the fact that Wilde is an educated woman who chose to enter a polygamous marriage after her first monogamous marriage ended in divorce. She was the second wife of Ogden Kraut, a prominent Fundamentalist Independent Mormon, one of the fundamentalist groups practicing polygamy, who wrote more than 65 books on Fundamental Mormonism. Wilde and Kraut were married for 33 years, until his death, and Wilde said she was very happy in her plural marriage and that she enjoyed close relationships with her “sister wives” and with her husband. Wilde is also an Independent Fundamentalist Mormon and believes that only the original Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS) teachings were correct, teachings which the LDS church has long ago distanced itself from.

In fact, mainstream Mormons typically don’t consider the fundamentalists to be Mormons at all. Wilde and most other fundamentalist Mormons don’t wish to legalize polygamy but to decriminalize it. They also believe that the state shouldn’t intervene when it comes to decisions between consenting adults.

Wilde seemed a very capable and bright individual one who clearly chose her lifestyle. But the news surrounding the polygamists’ compound in Eldorado appeared to reveal abuse, underage marriages, and complete isolation to the outside world.

Jessop, who had a very difficult time escaping a polygamous lifestyle, said that abuse, including physical abuse, is extremely common in these communities and that young girls and eventually women are not equipped to reach out for help.
 
It’s estimated that there are between 30,000 and 36,000 practicing polygamists — usually Mormon Fundamentalists — in the United States, Canada and some even in Mexico. It’s difficult to collect data; living arrangements are not out in the open and legally a man only marries one wife, and then “spiritually marries” the others while co-habiting with them. So there’s often not much the law can do about prosecuting plural marriage itself.

I don’t know if Wilde is the exception and Jessop the norm in these situations, but I do know these people in the news for their plural marriages are real people. Nevertheless, while I generally say live and let live, what’s more important than the welfare of kids? It’s a social quandary about freedoms that goes to the heart of our country.

Personally, I could never agree with polygamy. It runs counter to my beliefs and my own husband often jokes that one wife is more than enough. And it better be.