My husband took one look at the “reduced-fat” Oreos in the cabinet and remarked: “Let me guess — you had a coupon.”

Indeed, I did. Just call me the Coupon Queen. On second thought, perhaps Coupon Kook is more appropriate. I realized my coupon craze needed an intervention a few months ago at the commissary. An elderly gent wearing a plaid cap peered into my overflowing cart and said, “My, you must have a very large family.”

“Oh, there’s just three of us,” I replied, as I tried to balance a package of pork chops on top of a bag of tortillas. Of course, I didn’t tell him one of the three wasn’t eating solid foods yet. To make matters worse, I was only halfway through shopping when Mr. Busybody chimed in at the meat department.

But his question caused some self-reflection on my part. Did I really need two 36-ounce bottles of ketchup just because I had a “two-for-a-dollar-off” coupon?
The first step in realizing you need help is admitting it. So here goes: I am a coupon addict — and not a very organized one. You’ll know me when you see me. I’m the sloth causing the cart jam in Aisle 5 because I’m looking through my mishmash of crumpled coupons for a 25-cent savings on a can of tomato paste.

The military community might as well be coupon Mecca. We use more grocery coupons than any other demographic in America. I remember when some commissaries kept a wooden “have at it” box at the front of the store for shoppers to give and take coupons. Why the coupon crush? I reckon it’s because military folks are a resourceful and thrifty bunch. Stretching a dollar, whether it’s to fund a war or the annual Christmas party, is part of military culture.

My problem is that I clip far more coupons than I use. I find them stashed everywhere, to include my purses, diaper bags, coat pockets, envelopes, nightstand, kitchen drawers, and car console. I’ve even used coupons to scribble phone messages when I couldn’t find a notepad for gosh sakes. Does anyone else use coupons as bookmarks? I scanned my shelf and found a faded 50-cent Tide coupon (expiration date: May 31, 2002) marking the “Tragedy of Vietnam” section of my “America: A Narrative History” book. In my “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” book, a dollar coupon for two pints of Haagen-Dazs is wedged in the “Nine Months and Counting” chapter. How fitting. Too bad it expired in 2006.

Of course, the purpose of clipping coupons should be to use them for savings. And I should add, to use them on products you actually want. I decided to seek some professional guidance from two nationally-recognized shopping experts. Stephanie Nelson, “The Coupon Mom” (www.couponmom.com) and Eva Yusa “Eva the Shopping Diva” (www.evatheshoppingdiva.com ).

Me: “Currently, I have three huge bottles of Crest mouthwash in the linen closet. I can’t resist the dollar off coupons. Do I have a problem?”
 
The Coupon Mom: “I don’t think so. As long as they are products you use and you got them for 50 percent off or more with your coupon, then that’s a good deal even if the items are different brands than you usually buy. But if you are buying items just because you have a coupon and you don’t use it—that could be a problem.”

Me: “Uh-Oh…”

Me: “One time I forgot my coupons in the car and was too lazy to go back out and get them. I found I spent less money and bought fewer groceries. Should I forget my coupons more often?”

Eva the Shopping Diva: “Taking advantage of great sales and having a fully stocked home on a regular basis is terrific. However, a lot depends on your storage space. To prevent overspending or impulse buying with coupons, set a strict budget before you shop. Be sure to make a list of the items you need before you head to the store, too. With a spending limit and a list to guide you, getting the best deal and saving the most money will be easy.”

Me: “I tend to overbuy/horde when I have a coupon. The “buy two for a dollar off” gets me in trouble. Any advice?”

The Coupon Mom: “Actually, I call that stocking up. If your favorite items are on sale and you have a coupon, you should buy a few weeks’ supply so that you do not have to pay full price next time you need it, you’ll have an extra on the shelf.”

Me: “I love clipping coupons, but only save an average of 5 percent on my bill,
yet I clip so many coupons. I have them stashed everywhere and find expired ones in strange places, like in my sock drawer. Any strategies I should try?”
 
The Coupon Mom: “Oh dear. You need to get started on the “no clip” Coupon Mom system! You save the entire circular, write the date on the front of it, and then the Coupon Mom’s Best Deals lists for 41 stores across the country will tell you when to use it. The deals are referenced by date and you just cut out the coupons you need, when you need them. And you should save 50 percent. But if you shop at a commissary, then you should cut out coupons and put them in a $3 plastic check organizer sorted by category. Then when you see items on sale at your store or in the commissary ad, you can find the coupon you need to combine it with the sale price. You’ll save far more than 5 percent when you wait to use the coupon when the item is on sale, and when you have your coupons organized to find them easily.”

Me: “What do the coupon people think of consumers such as myself?”

Eva the Shopping Diva: “Retailers and manufacturers offer coupons to generate sales, not just because they’re trying to be nice. Incentives like coupons and rebates encourage shoppers to spend big money. Remember to shop for the goods you need, not just the sale itself. Just because something is cheap doesn’t necessarily make it worthwhile.”

Thanks ladies. Next time we chat I plan on asking if coupon clipping is hereditary. It’s certainly in my gene pool. To better understand my own habits, I snooped through my mother’s pantry the other day. Here’s some of what I found: 16 boxes of spaghetti, eight cans of chocolate frosting, seven bottles of dish soap, seven rolls of Reynolds Wrap and seven bottles of olive oil.

Then I spotted the kryptonite itself: there on the fifth shelf down, wedged between the three bottles of Karo Light Corn Syrup was a scattering of coupons alongside my mother’s well-worn coupon organizer.

Me: “Mom, did you know you have 16 boxes of spaghetti?”

Mom: “Well, we like that brand.”

Me: “You have seven rolls of Reynolds Wrap in there.”

Mom: “But you didn’t even go under the stove. I have more.”

Me: (speechless)

Dad: “What kind of stupid article are you writing? Don’t use our names.”

At this point my mother brings out some French onion dip and multigrain chips. We rarely indulge with dip in our family, but my mother and I both bought the same brand in the same week.

“We must have had the same coupon,” she noted. “And I had a $1.50 coupon off these chips.”

I take a bite. It tastes like cardboard. I make my way back into the pantry and emerge with a box of Kix “kid- tested, mother- approved!” cereal.

“Let me guess,” I said. “You had a coupon.”