Can you trust a military chaplain to keep your secrets?

You should be able to, and here's why: Keeping a problem to yourself can undermine military readiness. Take the case of the corporal who abused and threatened his men until one young member of that squad felt so hopeless he told his buddies he was going to end it all.

In our military world, even the things you say on a psychiatrist's couch can be reported to a commanding officer. So some people bottle things up because they're afraid if they admit what's really on their minds they'll get in trouble or ruin their careers. That can be dangerous.

Chaplains are the safety valve. A chaplain is the one person in the military that regulations say you can talk to about anything without fear that it will go any farther. So one of the squad-mates of that suicidal servicemember went to the chaplain. In the privacy of the chaplain's office, not only did the buddy find help for his suicidal friend, but he also found the courage to finally speak up and report the real source of the problem -- the corporal who was threatening them all. The corporal was removed in time to prevent a tragedy.

Servicemembers need a safe place to let off steam and figure out how to solve problems without fear of getting in trouble or ruining their careers. Family members do, too. When their loved one is deployed, better for them to cry out their troubles and fears to their chaplain, not their loved one. That way those on the frontlines can focus on their mission instead of being distracted with worry about homefront problems they can't do anything about.

But it only works if chaplains can be trusted to keep it all confidential.

For years, there was some confusion about the definition of "confidential." What if someone confesses to the chaplain that they're abusing a child or about to kill someone? Shouldn't the chaplain report that? What if the chaplain's faith community requires the chaplain to report it? More than one chaplain has told me that they make everyone who comes in for counseling sign a waiver before they start talking. The waiver, they said, gives them permission to report all cases of abuse or threats of suicide.

This may seem like a good thing. But a waiver shuts down the conversation before it even starts. As for chaplains who spill the beans, with or without a waiver, many people will never trust that chaplain again, and the safety valve is shut off.

The fact is, chaplains don't need a waiver to help solve even morally horrifying problems like child abuse. As a senior Air Force chaplain points out, "They wouldn't be coming to talk to you if they didn't want help." Once they open up, the chaplain can guide them toward a solution.

These days the Army, Air Force, and Navy all have the same rules about confidentiality. (In case you're wondering about the Marine Corps and the Coast Guard, they use Navy chaplains.) The rules are very simple really. Everything is confidential. The legal term for that is "privileged communication." That means it's your privilege to decide whether or not your chaplain can reveal what you talked about. Without your permission, the chaplain must stay mum. Your conversation with a chaplain or chaplain's assistant is considered "privileged" so long as you're doing it as a formal act of religion or an act of conscience and you intend it to be confidential.

But chaplains are human, imperfect like the rest of us. Human nature being what it is, there will always be at least a few chaplains with loose lips. To avoid confusion, a representative of the Naval Chaplain School suggests that at the start of every counseling session, "Each chaplain should say, 'Of course this is confidential, this is how we do business.'"

If every chaplain started every counseling session with a statement about confidentiality and privileged communication, it would serve as a reminder to the chaplain while at the same time helping the counselee to open up. Experienced chaplains have said they also mention it again at the end.

But if the chaplain doesn't bring it up and you're the one seeking help, my advice is that you be very clear about what you expect. Go ahead and say, "I'm claiming privileged communication." At the very least, ask about it. Make sure you and your chaplain are on the same page when it comes to confidentiality. If not, find another chaplain. You have a right to work through whatever's troubling you with a chaplain who will keep it confidential. That's your privilege.

There's more on this issue, including examples of how things can go wrong as well as how they can go right, at: http://www.kristinhenderson.com/chaplains.htm.