Making friends is a skill you can learn and practice often as a military spouse. We continue to share stories and ideas based on how other military spouses have made friends:

Be Curious
Every person has a story. Learn to ask questions to draw them out -- and learn to listen. Ask a fellow spouse, "How did you and your husband meet?" "Is there a story behind your name (especially for unusual names but even more common names often have an interesting story behind them), "What's the best thing that's happened to you in the last week?" "What do you like best about this location?"

Paul's book shares important friendship boosters and friendship busters. The busters include jealousy and habitually canceling dates. The boosters include showing up for happy and sad events, remembering birthdays, artful listening, making peace with imperfection, and helping out in a crisis.

We have always heard that "a friend in need is a friend indeed." It's true. As Army spouse Linda shares, "I have found that my best friends were the ones there for me during difficult times. As much as I thought I could earn a friend from helping them, it was really when I asked for help that I discovered the true meaning of friendship. One of my current best friends is another mom from my child's class. Although I didn't know her at the time, I asked if my child could play with hers for a couple of hours while I went to a doctor's appointment. It turned out that I had a major illness and she helped me get through it by taking my children until I could make other arrangements -- and our friendship grew. Another friend flew all the way across the United States to stay with me and drive me to daily radiation appointments. Thank God for girlfriends and the sacrifices they make."

Ask for a Job
As an introvert, Kathie learned to always "ask for a job" at events and gatherings. It's much easier for a shy person to initiate conversations with others when they have a purpose: "Please fill out this name tag," "Let me show you where to put your coat," and so on. Volunteering in any community or organization is a sure-fire way to more easily connect.

Find or Create Your Tribe
Consider forming your own group for support. These groups can take many different forms. Some of you have discovered this joy and support with playgroups, book clubs, or scrap booking groups. There are movie groups and meal-making groups. Check out the book, "Girls Night Out," in which authors Tamara Kreinin and Barbara Camens share stories of women's groups of all shapes, sizes, and ages. Additional information about groups can be found in chapter 13 of our book with our "Dare to Dream" team concept.

The common thread these groups all share is a consistent, planned, and scheduled way to gather together for sharing and laughter. Groups help you to see that you aren't alone and that you aren't the only one who's ever gone through what you're going through. Groups give you support and a sanity check.

If you're isolated by circumstances, cyber groups can be a lifesaver. According to Paul, "Friendships often flourish more quickly over the Internet as some women seem more comfortable revealing themselves on computer screen than in person. It inspires self-revelation in the way of a journal or diary." And you can do this without having to coordinate schedules. There are lots of military spouse chat rooms. One great place to check is at www.cinchouse.com. Just don't forget the dangers of cyberspace, especially spending too much time chatting and not enough time "living" with your family and local friends.

And when your spouse isn't deployed consider the value of befriending a group of couples. We can each point out how much more we enjoyed our assignments when we had that kind of group. We were part of one together in Fort Leavenworth, Kan., our "Four Seasons Group," a group of military members and their spouses. We shared dinners out and in, wine tastings, day trips around the area, 10K runs, and even a New Year's weekend away where we all joined in the Polar Bear club swim for the New Year's Day. Kathie and Greg have a group in Tacoma, Wash., now who go out to dinner, go bike riding and hiking, and celebrate milestone events such as baby showers and new jobs.

This can be as simple as finding one common interest and taking turns to take the initiative to share that activity. Army spouse Anne Melia and her husband shared regular "Cheap Eats Nights" with another couple. "One of us would call every three weeks or so and say, 'It's time for cheap eats,'" she says. "It allowed us great conversation time and an opportunity to discover good inexpensive restaurants in the Fort Lewis area."

Next column (Part Seven) we'll share more resources and ideas from our book. Stay tuned. (the earlier columns are archived on military.com at http://www.military.com/Opinions/0,,HightowerScherer_Index,00.html)

Excerpted with permission from Help! I’m a Military Spouse — I Get a Life Too! How to Craft a Life for You as You Move with the Military (2d Edition released April 2007 from Potomac Books, Inc.)  by Kathie Hightower & Holly Scherer. For more information on their writings and workshop go to www.militaryspousehelp.com