Once a year, Veterans Day reminds Americans of the sacrifices made by our veterans. But families living with veterans who've been wounded in body, mind, or soul are reminded of the sacrifices daily. For them, every day is Veterans Day. They're reminded every time they change a dressing, every time their veteran wakes up with nightmares, or dives for cover when a car backfires, or flies into a rage when startled.

America supports its veterans. But the fact is, when it comes to day-to-day support for physically and psychologically wounded veterans, the heaviest burden falls on their families.

Information can help lighten the load, especially when it comes to psychological wounds, which are often hard to pin down. Books helped me when my husband came home with occasional nightmares, rages, and a startle reflex like a rabbit. He was a mild case, a normal reaction to spending time in a combat zone. Others may suffer from severe psychological trauma.

For help navigating that minefield, "Down Range: To Iraq and Back" is a good introduction. Written by Trauma Counselor Bridget Cantrell and Vietnam vet Chuck Dean, it's a quick read full of basic information about what your psychologically wounded veteran is going through.

To learn what the spouses are going through, read Aphrodite Matsakis' "Back from the Front: Combat Trauma, Love, and the Family." Dr. Matsakis is a psychologist who's been treating veterans and families for 30 years. Using real-life examples, her book teaches spouses how to identify what's going on inside your veteran, your children, and you. Dr. Matsakis explores emotional distancing, the guilt, the effect on your sex life, the anger you don't think you're entitled to feel, domestic violence, and more. Through it all, her practical suggestions offer help and hope. Another good option is "Courage after Fire: Coping Strategies for Returning Soldiers and Their Families" by Keith Armstrong, Suzanne Best, and Paula Domenici.

For older children, there's "Finding a Way: A Teen's Guide to Living with a Parent Who Has Experienced Trauma." Authors Michelle Sherman, a clinical psychologist, and DeAnne Sherman, a teacher, have aimed it directly at teenagers and included worksheets to help them sort through their feelings, learn coping skills, deal with their friends, figure out resources, and once again, find some hope. Another book on children's issues is "Accepting the Ashes: A Daughter's Look at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" by Quynn Elizabeth. She grew up with a father who suffered from PTSD after serving in Vietnam. Watch her one-minute video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05PMXgRY4hY.

If you're interested in digging deeper into combat trauma, read two authors: Jonathan Shay, a longtime VA psychiatrist, and Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, a psychologist and former Army Ranger. As families, we see the aftereffects of war. Shay and Grossman take us on expert, guided tours of how our psychologically wounded veterans got there.

Shay literally wrote the book on combat trauma, two books in fact: "Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character" and "Odysseus in America: Combat Trauma and the Trials of Homecoming." These are powerful books, and veterans suffering from combat trauma may find them disturbing. They're advised to read them cautiously or not at all. But families and care providers will find Shay's books invaluable.

Grossman pioneered the study of the psychology of killing. He calls it "killology" and he's written two books about it: "On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society" and "On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflicts in War and in Peace." For an introduction to killology, visit Grossman's website: www.killology.com.

But even with all the information in the world, the families can't do it alone.

Other veterans and their families know this, and they have a history of lending a hand. Bill Mahedy, an Army chaplain in Vietnam and author of "Out of the Night: The Spiritual Journey of Vietnam Vets," helped start the Vet Centers, where vets and their families can walk in and get help from fellow vets. (Find the Vet Center nearest you at www.va.gov/RCS.) More recently, the Iraq-era veterans of Vets4Vets began forming support groups and workshops at www.vets4vets.us.
 
Civilians are starting to do a better job of supporting veterans, too. So far this year, Congress has added $5.2 billion to the veterans budget with more increases planned. (To keep it coming, here's an easy way to identify and contact your representatives: www.house.gov/writerep) Therapists and social workers across the country are volunteering their time and expertise to counsel and heal combat vets and their families. (Learn more at www.sofarusa.org and http://www.kristinhenderson.com/takeaction.htm, click on "Quick Tips for Organizing Programs.") In fact, small but dedicated numbers of Americans are volunteering to provide all kinds of support. (Check them out at www.AmericaSupportsYou.mil.)

When a veteran suffers, the family suffers. Families who educate themselves and take advantage of support resources have the best shot at healing, both for themselves and the veteran they love.