Last week I lost someone very close to me. Since their passing, I keep dreaming of them. Some psychologists would say I am coping with my loss during a subconscious state, friends would say I have a lot on my mind. Regardless of the correct answer, my dreams made me think of how I was dealing with this significant death in my life. One night it all made sense: my dreams were in fact helping me make peace. I call it the D.R.E.A.M. method. It is a reinvented theory on understanding the stages of loss. I hope my finding will aid you in times of need. 

Denial:  When you lose someone expectedly or unexpectedly, it takes time to register in our hearts and minds. We know logically the person is no longer with us but emotionally the truth is too hard to accept.  We stay in a state of denial until we are ready and prepared enough to acknowledge the loss.

Resentment:  Once we have accepted the person is gone, we become enraged at the world as well as any circumstances surrounding the person’s death.  We may even blame ourselves.  It is common to lash out at others during this sensitive time. 

Empathy: We remove ourselves from our personal pain and suffering to try and understand what the deceased went through. Many times people will say, “They are in a better place now.” Sometimes you will feel angry at this statement. It is natural. Remember, those around you mean well. 

Acceptance:  It is not easy to accept that someone you love is gone, but the expression time heals all wounds is false. Time gives you the strength to reconcile the death.  However acceptance is not to be confused with total healing. We each have our path when it comes to loss. No person regardless of their schooling or experience can tell you how you should feel. The best advice is to be true to your feelings and reach out to your loved ones if you are in need of support.

Memory:  As there is beauty in life, there is beauty in death. It is helpful to carry on your loved ones memory through sharing pictures and stories with others. Although the person may physically be gone, there are forever in your heart. They are a part of you and carry their memory through your life.

Death is a difficult topic to discuss. One that many of us in military life have become too well acquainted with. None of us know what is beyond, but what is known is the unbelievable power of the human heart. It allows us to love again, laugh again, and live again.