When I first transitioned out of the service and started my first job in corporate America, my wife informed me that the “finger in the face” doesn’t play well out here. Don’t get me wrong, even on my worst day I still treated people well. I didn’t yell or scream, but I was, shall we say… intense.

These days, I can be intense when I cheer for my kids at soccer. Sometimes, I get those looks — you know, the “better stay away from that guy” kinds of looks. But, I’m not angry at anyone, not chewing out the ref or threatening to beat up the coach if he doesn’t play my kid. I’m just being intense. It’s who I am.

The problem is that the rest of the world doesn’t share my intensity. Sure, a lot of my friends do, but most of them are veterans. Corporate America is generally not wired to have the same level of passion that we do. And while we can use our powerful energy on the job, we need to learn how to manage it. Self-awareness is the hallmark of successful people; if you’re always running at full-throttle, you will fail.  

As a speaker, I am fairly high-energy. However, if I blast my audience with high energy for 60 minutes, they will be wiped out by the time I’m finished. I need to mix high energy with low energy to make sure the message gets across. I don’t want people to leave the presentation, stunned and shell-shocked, as if they had just sat through the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan.

If you don’t learn to curb your enthusiasm, so to speak, you will turn people off. A friend of mine, now a vice president with a major financial services firm, was given some friendly advice from a retired colonel who also worked there. The colonel told him, “You need to tone it down a bit. Some people are intimidated by you, and others think you’re about to blow a gasket. Either way, it’s hurting your credibility.”

My buddy considered this advice, asked some co-workers what they thought, and found they agreed. He made a few necessary adjustments, and has been promoted several times since then.

You may not have a retired colonel to tell you this, so I’m telling you. Your ardor and commitment can set you apart from your co-workers. This is a good thing. But, if you don’t learn how to focus, you might end up being labeled “one of those vets who can’t let it go.” Your greatest assets will become your greatest liabilities, and you will fail. Don’t let that happen. And remember, the finger in the face doesn’t cut it anymore.