I'm, sure at one time or another, you have heard a few things said about the military and your relationship with it. Comments like “if the Army wanted your Soldier to have a wife they would have issued him one” and “Army, Unit, Family, in that order.”

While I don’t agree with the first one at all and I think it’s a becoming more of an “old school” thought, the second is a concept that I think most people can’t fathom, much less accept. I bet that most of you can agree that there have been many times in your Army life where it does have to be Army, Unit, and then Family. It doesn’t mean that your family has to come last in every situation, but it does mean that your Soldier has a commitment.

I can remember when Kevin and I were four years in this journey, and we made that “big decision” whether or not we were going to continue on this path. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I repeated, “I just want to be on the front burner of your life for once.” The funny thing is that though he understood what I was saying, he didn’t understand or comprehend how to make it happen. It wasn’t that he was chose to have me play second, it was his commitment, desire, and passion and he just couldn’t ignore it.

We made the decision to stay in. It was a joint decision, but in that decision I have found some acceptance. I had to learn how to incorporate Tara into this lifestyle and find a balance between Tara, her family, and the Army. That acceptance started with realizing that I married a Soldier, not an executive. I had to accept this lifestyle, this commitment, this mission as my own as well as my Soldier’s. I had to agree to love and to serve not just my Soldier, but the Army as well. Of course I chose to serve the Army and I chose to serve it in ways that made me happy too.

So when will you come first? You’ll come first when you allow yourself to come first. From my point of view, you can spend time upset and fight the uphill battle that you’re never going to win or you can accept, mold, and adjust. To help your preserve your sanity, find your place on this journey. It’s not always easy, not always fair, and it’s not instantaneous. You have to learn to be self-reliant, independent, and successful for you, and not just for your Soldier. You have to learn to make moments last a lifetime, connect across the miles, keep hope alive, and bridge the gaps that the Army’s mission creates in your life.

You love your Soldier, your Soldier loves you. He also loves serving his country. It’s a passion and a calling. Most can’t just change the way they feel about their service. Life can be a lot peachier if you find ways to make this military lifestyle work for you and your family.