Since my book “Life’s Golden Ticket” deals with overcoming the past and reconnecting with ourselves and loved ones, I’ve been receiving a tremendous number of emails from people asking about how to let go and keep their relationships going strong.

As a newly engaged man, I thought I’d ask the experts for their advice. So, I turned to my bachelor friends Mat Boggs and Jason Miller. Bachelors, you ask? What advice could they possibly have on marriages? A lot, it turns out.

Like most bachelors, Boggs — whose parents divorced after 27 years together — was jaded about marriage. But then he noticed how his grandmother and grandfather, who had been married for 62 years, were still madly in love. To find out what the secret was to a long and happy marriage, Boggs and Miller (his best friend) traveled 12,000 miles around the United States to talk to what they call the "Marriage Masters," couples who have been happily married 40 years or more. In their new book, “Project Everlasting” Boggs and Miller share advice from these successful couples.

Their interviewees’ marriages ranged from 40 to 76 years, so they heard many stories from couples who survived World War II and the Korean War. It wasn't easy, the couples said, and their commitment was thoroughly tested by the separation and lack of meaningful connection. They all talked about going the extra mile during wartime, finding one way or another to express their love for one another. 

One couple that really stood out was Ruth and Eddie Elcott of Los Angeles. They spent their first two years of marriage apart from one another as Eddie got called to serve overseas in WWII (he was on the cutting edge of technology in 1946…something called radar). How did they cope?  They wrote long love letters to one another every day, eventually amassing more than 2,000 handwritten notes. A few weeks before Boggs and Miller interviewed them, the couple had started a new ritual (keep in mind that they've been married 63 years at this point).  The Elcotts would read one of those old love letters to one another just before turning out the lights for bed every night.

Here are a few other tips the Project Everlasting team shared with me:

1. “Divorce? Never. Murder? Often!”
Entering matrimony with the mindset that “divorce is not an option” is vital for the long-term success of marriage, say the Marriage Masters. They went on to explain that this kind of mindset allows a couple to see solutions to marriage’s boiling points which would have otherwise been overlooked simply because one eye was too busy examining exit strategies. The only deal breakers are known as the three “A”s — addiction, adultery, and abuse.

2. “There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, only perfect moments.”
Any time two individuals live together (especially over 40 years) there are bound to be annoying, irritating, and frustrating experiences. But whether it’s the toothpaste cap, toilet seat, or snoring, one thing is for sure: the best marriages are served with an extra helping of acceptance for one another’s peccadilloes. “And that’s the beauty of marriage,” said Maurice, another Marriage Master. “All of our individualities, all of our wonderful differences. You gotta have friction. You can’t get any heat without friction.” Another Marriage Master added, “Whoever said being soul mates was going to be easy?” 

3. Unpack the Gunnysack
“People ask us our secret to marriage,” said John, married 48 years. “I tell them it’s the boxing gloves. We aren’t afraid to say what’s on our minds.” Remember that unexpressed frustrations in a marriage can pile up and weigh us down like an overloaded gunnysack. These accumulated frustrations can quickly turn into resentments. “Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die,” said Sally, married 50 years. “Resentment will eat away at your marriage.” The Marriage Masters encourage us to unpack the “gunnysacks” by opening the communication lines as frequently as possible.

4. Never Stop Dating
It has been said that it’s the quality of time, not the quantity of time that matters. But now we know that it’s the quantity of quality time spent together that leads to a wonderful marriage. Whether it’s a vacation in the Bahamas, having a few moments to yourselves after the workday, or simply spending a night at a local motel once a week, keeping the romance burning is easy: all you have to do is keep stoking the fire.

5. “Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E”
Marriage Masters have a high degree of selflessness. “I’ll never forget what my mentor told my wife and me before we got married 42 years ago,” said a Marriage Master named Walter. “He looked at us and said, ‘Most people think marriage is 50/50.  It’s not. It’s 60/40. You give 60.  You take 40. And that goes for both of you.’”

6. The Discipline of Respect
“You can have respect without love,” said Tom, married 42 years, “but you can’t have love without respect.” His sentiments were not uncommon in our 250-plus interviews around the nation. By and large, the number one secret to a thriving, everlasting marriage, as declared by the Marriage Masters, is respect. It is the catalyst for all things beautiful in a relationship: trust, connection, authenticity, and love.

To learn more about Boggs’ and Miller’s book “Project Everlasting,” visit www.projecteverlasting.com. To continue the discussion or share your thoughts on great marriages, please post your comments by clicking on the discussion link below.