I remember when my father first told me about his return to the United States from his tours in Vietnam. I was horrified. To hear that he had fought so hard, sacrificed so much, and yet returned to a hostile and unwelcoming public back home seemed so bizarre — and unfair.

Now I watch so many friends and military personnel come back to a more aware and welcoming public and I feel a slight sense of relief. But of course, we all know that our society could do better in thanking and assisting our returning troops. This all got me to thinking: what can our veterans do upon return to cope and continue on? And then, like is so often the case, a coincidence happened and I met someone who had some answers.

First Lt. Lee Alley, author of a new book entitled “Back From War,” wrote me a note explaining the realities of coming back from war and what veterans can do to cope.

Alley is a well-decorated Vietnam War hero who knows first-hand the emotional pain, the physical challenges, and the social adjustment issues most veterans confront — even decades after their last fight. “The war may be over, but the battle continues for many veterans,” says Alley.

“Back From War” is Alley’s harrowing narrative of his year in the horrors of combat in the Mekong Delta of Vietnam from 1967-1968 and his reflections on the years since. Additionally, it is the true accounts of 23 other contributors, their time at war and stories of their return home. All of them discuss feelings of maladjustment, loneliness, depression, bouts of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and negative family repercussions that are similarly felt by many of our nation’s veterans of foreign wars.

Alley’s message is clear: “Our soldiers are forever changed and it’s time Americans realize it and face it.” Lee suggests veterans handle their homecoming in the following ways:

1. Don’t beat yourself up for surviving war. 
This may sound strange but, in reality, many veterans ride an emotional roller coaster. It is often the guilt of survivorship that confronts them: Why did I survive and others did not?  Could I have done more? Despite these worries, Alley says that with survivorship comes a duty to carry on. He challenges veterans to set an example to others and yet be patient with themselves as they continue to serve out their life’s purpose.

2. Get registered with the VA medical center. 
Alley says that as a veteran you have earned this right; it is not welfare.  Once in the system, Alley was shocked not only by the amount of services available, but also by the true caring individuals that he came in contact with.

3. If you have any problems (e.g. medical, emotional, physical), then get yourself a caseworker immediately. The VFW, American Legion, Purple Heart Association all have paid staffs eager to help.

4. Let it be known within your community you are a returning veteran and are willing to speak to civic groups.  All groups such as Kiwanis, Lions Club, and Rotary have guest speakers on their programs.  You don’t have to be an eloquent speaker. You are the living history of our nation.  Use your experience to make a difference and it will help you cope: tell your story, teach others, and speak from the heart. 

5. Let your local schools know you are willing to be interviewed by students.
Teachers and students are always looking for up-close and personal experiences.  You’ve likely learned some hard won life lessons — share them.

6. Stay in contact with your war buddies. 
When people make life and death decisions together, a bond develops that time and distance will never erase.  Write down the names, addresses and phone numbers of your comrades as soon as you return and stay in contact.

7. Join local VFW and American Legion units. Despite many misconceptions, these groups are not just a bunch of old veterans sitting at the bar telling war stories. They are a strong source for fun and fellowship. Consider getting involved.

8. Help set up or attend military reunions. 
The better reunions are the smaller, more personal ones, company to squadron size.  These are where your real attachments are.  These reunions give veterans and family members a setting to deal with the issues that they may otherwise face alone.

I hope Alley’s suggestions are helpful. I encourage you to offer your own insights on coming back from war by clicking on the discussion link below.