Think it’s hard navigating the military systems as a new spouse? What about as a new recruit? That’s nothing compared to being a parent. Set out on a mission to find resources for military spouses and you’ll find millions of great places to visit to integrate yourself into this lifestyle. Places like military.com, CinChouse.com, military message boards on MySpace, and even my own website ArmyWifeTalkRadio.com. Do the same for military parent groups, and you’ll find them to be few and far between.

What does it mean to be a military parent?
Stacey Abler of MarriedToTheArmy.com asked this very question of some of her readers.

Ginny writes, “Well, before I became a military Mom I had been a military wife for 22 years until my husband retired from the U.S. Army. I thought being a wife was difficult, but nothing compares to being a military mom. As a wife we can travel and live most places with our husbands. We can be with them and share a life with each other.”

Renee writes, “As a parent of a Solider, I have to support his decisions, trust him, and love him …. My heart will always long for him to be near me, but my pride, and joy in seeing my son doing what he has always wanted to do, can ease some of the pain.”

Maryletta writes, “To me the greatest meaning of being a military mom is: Stand proud in the midst of pain, for our troops are human, they are the reason we all can put our heads on our pillows at night and sleep without fear!”

Why the absence of resources?
Military parents Pat and Ryan Bryant wrote, “Why aren’t there any real resources for Army parents? There is an assumption that we don’t want to know information, or that we don’t care. We’re not sure which.”

There are some resources out there but admittedly, most apply to military spouses and children. My personal take on this is not that they don’t think you care, but you’re not in “their backyard” so to speak. Military families live on the installation, they use the military resources, and let’s face it what’s in front of you is what you pay attention to. I think the old adage “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” can apply here. It’s about time military parents become the squeaky wheel.

What do military parents need?
Soldiers and spouses have the means or know how to navigate the military system. If they don’t, they get a baptism by fire. Parents need to know the ins and outs of military life. Unless they are prior military they probably don’t understand things as basic as the PX or the commissary. They certainly don’t innately know how to read a leave and earnings statement (LES).  Military parents should also understand the basic setup of rank and structure of the Army to things like what to pack in a care package. And, more importantly, they need to know how to support their soldier physically and emotionally.

What applies to spouses doesn’t always apply to parents.
Author and military mom Sandy Doell told me in a recent interview, “I found resources, but they didn’t speak to my needs. Military spouses are unique, they are a member of a team and they have a partner who is in the military. That partner that they share life responsibilities with is about to leave on deployment. Their needs are different than mine because I have my partner here. I don’t need to know how to hug a pillow in the middle of the night not to miss my husband, how to change a tire, or how to get quotes from a plumber. I needed to know how to get emotional support, how to support my son, and where to find all this information.”

What about being part of the family readiness groups?
The definition of a Family Readiness Group (FRG) does offer support by including extended family members as part of the FRG. The only issue is that it doesn’t always apply to all situations. The most important advice given to parents in regards to FRGs is to make sure that your Soldier turns in your information and requests you receive e-mails, calls and information from the group. Remember, that as a family member you may have to use Sandy’s logic above and hit delete a few times, because not all resources will apply to you.
 
Bridging the Gap
First and foremost, I want to point out that if you’re a Soldier or a military spouse it would benefit you to start explaining and teaching your parents and/or in-laws about our military community. I know there is information we “don’t tell them,” but we should. Make it your mission to educate your parents, so that they can educate other civilians about the military lifestyle.

I was able to locate some great resources that are recently developed specifically for parents. This is not an all inclusive list by any means but it will give you a great start on your journey.
 
• National Military Family Association (NMFA) – www.nmfa.org

• Vicky Cody’s Guide, “Your Soldier Your Army,” is a deployment survival guide for parents and spouses. Mrs. Cody turns her own 30-year experience as the wife and mother of Soldiers into advice and consolation for other parents with deploying children. Mrs. Cody covers the whole gamut of deployments, from the preparation through the endurance to the homecoming, and includes a personal view into Army life and an explanation of Army terminology. Download your free copy by visiting http://www.ausa.org/pdfdocs/YourSoldier.pdf

• Sandy Doell’s book, Mom’s Field Guide, is a wonderful compilation of information relative to military parents. You can purchase a copy of this guide at her website www.momsfieldguide.com. Sandy also has a support website, www.whileourchildrenserve.com

• For new or possible military parents wanting to find out more about the military before your son/daughter joins or before they leave for boot camp check out http://www.todaysmilitary.com/

• A great article on emotional support and coping for military parents is located at http://www.emilitary.org/fam1.html

• http://www.marineparents.com/ offers tons of support and they are open to all services not just Marines

• http://www.marriedtothearmy.com/army_parents_deployment.htm has some great information for parents from the basics to the complex

• If you have a specific question or problem to address, let real life military spouses do the detective work or offer advice. Visit www.fieldproblems.com and submit it to Crooks & Henderson