Making friends is a skill military spouses need to learn and practice. Let’s look at some ways you can do that.

Find Other Newcomers
Most posts/bases have newcomer orientation programs. These programs help you discover what resources and facilities are available in your new community. Overseas they also help you to learn the new customs and logistics of life in a foreign land. And, they are an easy place to make new friends since everyone on base is also new and looking to connect.

Another place to find new friends is with Newcomers groups off base or post. Check out the Newcomers and Moms Worldwide Directory at www.newcomersclub.com for listings by state and by country.

As Army spouse Martha Klinck says, “Ten years and eight moves later, I have found that the easiest way for me to make friends was with those people arriving at post at the same time. In the U.S., it is especially difficult to break into established ‘circles.’ Overseas it tends to be much easier to make friends —‘We are all in the same boat together.’”

Attend Activities that Interest you and Talk with People
We looked back on how we met our many military and civilian friends, and asked many other spouses to do the same. One common way to meet new people is to participate in activities that interest you — you’ll meet like-minded people. You’ll get to do something you enjoy and you might meet a new friend. (And even when you don’t meet a new friend, you still can engage in something that interests you and increases your happiness, so what’s to lose?)

As Army spouse Linda Beougher says, “I have found that my best friends appeared when I was doing what I loved to do. That could be taking a class in something that interests me, exercise, a trade group, spending time at my children’s school, at the church, whatever. It seemed that I bonded most with people with similar interests/lifestyles more than with people in the unit or neighborhood where I always looked first.”

One of Holly’s greatest gifts when her twins were young was to be part of a neighborhood playgroup. It was affirming for her to gather with other moms who were going through the same challenges. The opportunities for her children to play with other children and observe how they interacted with others were beneficial. She could also observe how other mothers dealt with parenting issues such as discipline, which gave her great ideas on how she could approach disciplining her own children. She gathered ideas and resources such as who were the best babysitters in the neighborhood and where to get the best buy on diapers, formula, or hand-me-down clothes.  It also became a fabulous support group for her as she listened and shared the ups and downs of parenting with other moms. To top it off, she met one of her dearest friends to this day in her neighborhood playgroup. 

If there’s not an organized playgroup right now where you are, consider starting one. Inviting another mom and her children over for a play date is the first step. Other places Holly found other moms was through an international organization call MOPS (moms of preschoolers) –– check out www.mops.org and now they even have www.militarymops.org. 

Don’t forget to check out the programs on base for young children. All you need to do is strap your child in a stroller, and roll on down to your Military Family Service Center, and ask what’s available for parents and children on base. For example, at McChord AFB and Fort Lewis, you’ll find The Escape Zone and Raindrops and Rainbows respectively, indoor locations full of activities and toys where moms can gather with their children and connect with each other — even on rainy days.

For many activities you enjoy, you will find groups already in place as you move around. For example, if you enjoy knitting, check out www.stitchnbitch.org to find a group of knitters wherever you move. What’s more, they welcome beginners. Working with needles and yarn has been shown to lower stress and blood pressure and lessen pain.

One added thought. You don’t even have to attend an event. Just be open to things that interest you. Kathie has met a number of good friends by calling them up after reading an article about them in the post or local newspaper or reading an article they wrote in the paper. She simply asks if they’d be interested in a walk and talk or in meeting over coffee. To date, no one has said no. “You quickly know if there is any kind of connection or not in a first time meeting,” she adds. “Some of those meetings were one-time things. Others have evolved into deep, long-term friendships.”

Watch for more ideas of ways to make friends in next month’s column.

Excerpted with permission from Help! I’m a Military Spouse — I Get a Life Too! How to Craft a Life for You as You Move with the Military (2d Edition released April 2007 from Potomac Books, Inc.) by Kathie Hightower & Holly Scherer.