Have you ever had one of those conversations where one of you was military and one of you was civilian, and it was as if both of you were deaf and speaking in different languages? Like the civilian who thought it was "cool" when he found out my husband was in Iraq. He told me he was rushing home after work each day to watch the war live on TV. For him, war was a video game. For me, it was months of worrying that my husband might not come home.

A gigantic gap yawned between that civilian and me that day. A similar disconnect exists between the larger civilian world and the military community. That's bad news in a democracy like ours, where the military's missions are supposed to be an expression of the will of the people.

How can Americans make good decisions about the ways in which they use their military if they don't know anything about it? How can they effectively support the troops if they don't know what the troops really do or what they really need?

And how can members of the military community go to war and recover from it without real help from our civilian neighbors, coworkers, and service providers? The military tries to take care of its own, but with less than 1 percent of the population serving in the military anymore, there just aren't enough of us to do it all by ourselves.

There are many non-partisan ways to build bridges between the military and civilian communities. Joanne Cochran found one way. She had moved to a new town where there was no support for her while she worried about her son, a soldier who was deploying on one combat tour after another. 

Joanne recalled, "For self-preservation I stood up one day early in March 2003 at a 'Support the Troops' rally and asked if anyone was interested in forming a Blue Star support group. Five women came over and we went from there." The Blue Star is the traditional symbol displayed by families who have a loved one serving in the military.

Eventually Joanne's local group, Blue Star Families of Central Virginia, became a chapter of the national organization, Blue Star Mothers of America, a service organization that helps mothers of servicemembers support each other and their children. That made Joanne's group an official charity with a 501c3 designation, which helps when it comes to raising money for the care packages they send to Afghanistan and Iraq. Joanne and the other moms get the word out with some help from civilians -- a local civilian radio station regularly invites the moms on the air to talk about their Blue Star Families group. That's one way to build bridges.

Veterans in Massachusetts have found another way. Through the Veterans Education Project, these veterans visit civilian schools to talk about their military experiences and teach important life lessons. Their goal is to help children learn self respect and avoid violence in their everyday lives.

"I was impressed with the way he could connect his experiences in war to what we experience every day," said one student.

An educator said, "It’s like having people stepping off of the pages of history books and into the classroom in the flesh, up close and personal. Students can see the people who were actually involved."

It helps the veterans, too. To be able to talk about what you've experienced, to be heard in a respectful way -- there's something very healing about that. It's doubly positive when you're helping others at the same time. The project also sponsors Military Families Connect, a support group for military families, and helps churches help veterans on the spiritual journey home.

Meanwhile, out in Iowa, a social worker named Pat Wilson joined with other therapists to reach out to the National Guard. "I have no military background," Pat said, "but I've been doing critical incident stress management for 20 years." Knowing what she did about stress, Pat and other civilian therapists worried about the Iowa Guard as they began deploying in large numbers four years ago. "What will they do when there's a fatality?" the therapists asked. "What will they do later for reintegration?" 

Since then, Pat and others have volunteered their time to develop a whole menu of services called Operation: Enduring Families. Today, more than four hundred civilian professionals in Iowa volunteer to help Guard members and their families deal with casualties, post-traumatic stress, domestic violence, and more, all at no charge. These civilians drive all over the state giving briefings and working with individuals and couples. The program they've developed is now a model for others.

"We've sent other states and Canada tons of information," Pat told me.

If you'd like to learn more about how Pat, the Massachusetts veterans, and the Blue Star moms are building bridges, they'd be glad to provide you with information, too. Additional ideas and resources are also available on my website, www.kristinhenderson.com/takeaction.htm. Click on "Quick Tips for Organizing Events to Help Veterans and Families in Your Community."

Blue Star Families of Central Virginia
www.avenue.org/bsfcv
P.O. Box 5182
Charlottesville, VA 22905-5182
joannec406@aol.com
434-825-4996

Veterans Education Project
www.vetsed.org
vep@vetsed.org
413.253.4947

Operation: Enduring Families
WilsonPL@mercyhealth.com or PeterTeahen@aol.com
Or call Pat Wilson at 641.430.3794