A couple of weeks ago, I suggested that veterans transitioning into civilian careers need to “let it go” – it being the military. My point was that too many veterans in corporate America reminisce about the “good ol’ days” on active duty rather than embrace their new opportunities. They are reluctant to assimilate into the civilian culture they are now a part of. My point was not that you have to abandon or deny your military experience.

The vast majority feedback I received about the article was positive. Military.com members were able to see their current situation in a different light, or were thankful for the heads-up as they transitioned.

There were others who took exception to what I wrote. There were two main objections: 1) They were raised to be respectful, and respectful people say Sir and Ma’am, or 2) they are proud of their service and don’t think they should have to hide it.

Both points are valid. In fact, I stated them in the article, but perhaps not clearly or specifically enough. Because of the strong feelings expressed by those who replied, I submit this piece as an addendum and elaboration on the original article.

In regards to showing respect, I must say that I was also was raised to be respectful. And I use the titles Sir and Ma’am to show respect. I believe they are underused in today’s society. I want my children to understand and use these words. However — and this is the crux of the matter — I don’t use these terms all the time. When I am talking to the CEO of a multi-million dollar firm (someone you could equate with a General in the military), I do call him Sir from time to time. I also use his first name from time to time. I don’t end every sentence with the word, nor do I use it too often in the conversation. In the Marines, we used Sir or Ma’am as punctuation. But I am not in the Marines now; I need to adapt to that reality. And that reality demands that we use terminology consistent with our environment.

Occasionally, I work for or with some retired Generals (and Colonels and Captains). Everyone around us calls the General by his first name. I confess that I will never feel fully comfortable addressing them this way, but I do it, too, because that is part of the corporate culture. I do drop a few “Sirs” into the conversation (just to be on the safe side) to demonstrate my respect for them. 

Too many veterans, though, continue to use the words with great frequency, just like they did in the military. They think they’re showing respect, but what their employer and co-worker see is an inability to adapt to the civilian culture. Others on the job will interpret over-use of the terms as a show of subservience. In their eyes, you diminish your power and authority with too many Sirs.

Perception is reality. When I want to make a point in a speech, I might use a Marine Corps story as an example. However, I also use stories from my civilian life. Recently, I gave a 90-minute presentation, using my book, "No Yelling," as the basis for the discussion. Within that 90 minutes, I told many stories and made a number of key points. I used only two stories from my days in the Marine Corps. Yet, several people in the audience commented that the presentation was “too military” for them. This was their perception and so, their reality. But, it’s part of our world of business.

The second point of contention for readers was “I am proud of my service and don’t think I should have to hide it.” I am also proud of my service — very proud. I even put an Eagle, Globe and Anchor (the Marine Corps emblem) sticker on my car. When I am on the job, I don’t go out of my way to make a point of my service, nor do I look down on all civilians because they didn’t make the choice to serve.  I don’t even bring up my service unless it is relevant to the situation. Business people want relevance. If my service is not relevant to their current situation, then it does them no good to hear about it. Your co-workers want you living in the present and focused on the task at hand, using all your skills — the ones gained in the military as well as the ones learned elsewhere.

Some business cultures are more pro-military than others. Some business cultures seem to be hostile to the military. Whatever situation you find yourself in, you must exercise discretion as to how “military” you choose to be. I could never take the Marines out of Wally — I wouldn’t even want to. People tell me that the way I carry myself, the way I walk, and even how I use words tipped them off to my Marine background the first time they met me. I can live with that. What I can’t live with (and neither can you) is clients perceiving me (and you) as too aggressive, inflexible, and too rooted in the past to be effective today.

Wally Adamchik is the President of FireStarter Speaking and Consulting, a national leadership consulting firm based in Raleigh, NC. You can visit the website at www.beafirestarter.com or e-mail him at wally@beafirestarter.com. His new book is No Yelling (www.noyelling.net) is available online.