What’s the most important skill to help you create and develop your career as you move with the military? Is it education, experience, specific job skills, licenses or certifications? No … it’s the ability to network effectively. We can’t emphasize this enough.

“My industry is very incestuous,” says Lynn Edwards, an Army spouse who managed to progress upward in the hospitality industry as she moved with the military over many years. “The management and sales jobs rarely make it into an ad. It’s always through networking. It’s who you know who knows how well you work!”

Army spouse and personal trainer Phyllis Ward says, “I joined the Cheyenne Mountain Newcomers Club for networking and it has been one of my best sources for clients.” Ann Strand, Army spouse and a Pampered Chef director, adds, “I volunteer in my community. I associate with others and then they want to have shows. It is how my business grows; every new booking brings more.”

Remember the most important fact about networking: Networking is not a way to land a job. Networking is a two-way, give and take, win/win way of interacting with others. You help others with ideas, contacts, resources and referrals and they are more likely to want to help you with the same.

Regular networking with other military spouses can help with job searches as you move. With 65 percent of military spouses working, and all of us moving frequently, there seems to be a large networking community. According to the Department of Labor, the number one challenge for business growth in the United States is the need for skilled workers. Partner that with the fact that 43 percent of military spouses are underemployed, and you have a perfect situation for a match-up that will be a win/win all around.

As Kathie can tell you from her years as a corporate personnel manager, she always preferred referrals from good employees who already know the corporate environment. Think about it: We network with others to find out where to have our hair cut, our car fixed and fun activities for our children. If we tap into the network of close to one million military spouses, we can help each other find good jobs and help our employers find good workers. In addition, tap into the networking power of the Internet. We have heard stories of spouses finding jobs through chat room discussions on military spouse websites. One great place to start is to take advantage of military.com/spouse’s networking feature. Go to military spouse career development forum.

By the way, if you are not a natural networker, check out the books by Anne Baber and Lynn Waymon. Smart Networking (formerly Great Connections) and their follow-up book, Make Contacts Count are filled with ideas of how to start conversations, join groups, and how to get and keep connections going. The authors share how to remember names, how to leave a conversation when it’s time to do so, how to help people remember your name, and how to ask questions that trigger conversations. Kathie credits those books with helping her move past her introverted nature to connect with people with each new move and in each new group situation. Connecting and staying in touch with like-minded people is what networking is all about.

It is a skill anyone can learn.

Excerpted with permission from Help! I’m a Military Spouse — I Want a Life Too! How to Craft a Life for You as You Move with the Military by Kathie Hightower & Holly Scherer.