We’ve all been there. We’ve stood in a group of civilians and discussed their families, and when they ask what you do, you smile and say, “We’re military.” Then you see the look, you know what I’m talking about — yes that look. They respond, “Oh I just don’t think I could do it.” This always cracks me up. What do they think? You are a glutton for punishment?

They act like you chose to be a part of this lifestyle. Any true military wife knows it’s not that you like to move around fifteen billion times, or enjoy having the movers trash your new armoire, or enjoy being a geographical bachelorette (better known as a single, married person). Or, maybe you enjoy the single parenting life of a military spouse? The fact is: you don’t choose it, sometimes it chooses you. It’s what you do. So here are some tips to help you do it with grace, do it with style, and hey in the end you might end up actually liking it after all (well except for that being alone and armoire trashing action).

Seek out friends and support by doing or attending the following:
• Join OSC/ESC
• Volunteer
• Neighborhood functions
• Participate in your Unit’s FRG
• Attend Unit events
• Network

Remember, you will make some of your best friends and contacts in the most unlikely places. Never stop growing, and never stop seeking new contacts.

Don’t be afraid to seek help from the following person or people:
• Chaplain
• Counselors
• Friends and neighbors

Look, everyone has issues, and if they say they don’t, then that is an issue itself. Do not be afraid to seek help and talk to someone about your life. Even the happiest person or couple has things that they need to talk about once and awhile.

Be positive:
• No negative attitudes allowed
• Make yourself the “glass half full” kind of gal

Remaining positive about your lifestyle choice is almost always a sanity-saving endeavor — at least it has been for me. And, there will be times when life throws you curveballs (especially in a military career because SURPRISE you’re not in control).

Focus on what you want — and go for it:
• It’s your life too
• Empower yourself

What’s more, being a military spouse doesn’t mean you can’t have your own life and career outside of the military. Sure, it is more common that military spouses remain at home given their family’s career choice, however that doesn’t mean that you have to. Choose work or a volunteer position outside of the home if that is what makes you feel “complete.” You might even consider entrepreneurship, and build a mobile career.

Communicate and share everything:
• Talk to your spouse
• Share everything (that includes your feelings, but also,  the wash, paying the bills, and feeding the dog)
• Become experts at parenting together, even if you’re apart
• Develop a loving relationship full of touch and expression

I had to get mushy on you, but it’s so true. This is the key to a successful marriage in the military. There will be times when you will be on your own without your spouse. That doesn’t mean that you will be taking care of your family all alone, unless you make it that way. Make a conscience effort to communicate openly with your spouse about everything. Parent together, do finances together, be a “team.”