Some say, “Let the chips fall where they may.” In regards to military spouses I ask, “Just where do the chips fall anyway?”  I stood there in the parking lot of the Merry Christmas tent sponsored by Wal-Mart for Operation Homefront outside of Fort Stewart, Ga. I had my 5-year-old daughter, Wrena, on one side and my husband, in his uniform, stood next to me. We were surrounded by military families.

A sense of pride swept over me. Each and every one of these military families was just like us. They know what deployment feels like. They know what separation can do to your emotions. They’ve been through holidays, birthdays, births, and deaths without their soldier. They know the commissary, the post exchange, the little brown buildings that all looked the same. They know what it feels like to be known by “last four” and what to do when the sound of the bugle call is heard at day’s end. I felt embraced, included and proud.

My heart hurt as I stood there smiling up at my husband knowing he would leave us in just a few short weeks. We had just found out about our new baby, due in August of next year, while he was deployed. We haven’t told Wrena yet, and I wonder how she will feel knowing she is going to be big sister and what on earth is going through her head right now as Daddy prepares to leave soon. We eased up the line and were given pop-tarts, granola bars, and juice. I was thinking to myself, “What a wonderful program.” I expected to see smiles, laughter, tears and pride. I shouldn’t have looked up. I should have stayed in that thought — in that bubble.

Instead, I looked up to see my husband nervous, although he would never say a word. Since he was in uniform and a Captain, he was being saluted by his colleagues. You could tell he was uncomfortable. My mind began to race. Why was he uncomfortable? What was making him nervous? His uniform? The salute? I knew that he was in uniform because, as soon as we were done, he had to go in to work. He was on leave, but we had come to the post to ensure all was well with the unit. Did he just not want to go to work? Was he anxious to get there and go home? I just didn’t know.

Then, I heard what he must have anticipated hearing. A military spouse leaned to her husband to say, “What do they need to be here for? He’s a captain.” My heart sank. Undoubtedly, this person had no idea of my family’s commitment to the military and military families. There it was plain and simple — the chip. It was all I could do to not say something. I was overwhelmed with guilt. Maybe we shouldn’t be here. Just then, the corporate sponsors and the Governor’s wife took the podium to speak. Each spoke of the pride they felt and how happy they were to be a part of Operation Homefront. They spoke of the sacrifices of the military family. Instead of wallowing in that guilt that I had allowed another to place on me, I decided to focus on the orators instead.

How could the way that I was feeling teach others to throw that chip somewhere so far over the fence we'll never see it again? That chip that separates some military spouses. I don’t know if I have the answer. I don’t think anyone ever will because we cannot control an individual. Maybe the best thing for me to say to a military spouse is to watch what you say, because you never know who is listening. That didn’t seem good enough. I wanted to change what I had heard, and the reason why that military spouse felt that way.

We all know it happens. We all know it can’t be changed overnight. The simple truth is we are the only ones that can change it. The military is its own little world. You are going to see cross sections that you wouldn’t see in any other part of an organization – the worker bees, middle management, and corporate representatives. But, you all work and live together. There is a responsibility with the military and a controlled environment you won’t ever see in any other civilian corporation. We are different. We are special.

The bottom line is that we are all military families. Our commitment and our sacrifices, they are the same. So much more would be accomplished if we supported each other, regardless of rank. There wouldn’t be a need for anyone to feel angry, hurt, or slighted. There wouldn’t be a need for anyone to feel guilty, a need to explain their contribution, or to defend their soldier’s paycheck. In essence there would be no chip to carry on anyone’s shoulder. We would all live together as military families, supporting one another just the same.

As for my husband, what a wonderful guy he is. There isn’t a need for him to feel guilty or uncomfortable standing in line for something that supports the troops because of his rank. I know, what I wish everyone knew, was that he felt that way because he truly believes in his heart what we all should feel in ours, which is that regardless of customs and courtesies such as a salute, we are all created equal and fighting our battle side by side.