The reservist's wife lived in Missoula, Mont. Her husband was just back from Iraq, but he was still in Fort Carson, Colo., and she was struggling with the after effects of the deployment. She was a long way from the only military installation in Montana, and an even longer way from her husband's unit in Colorado.

The fact is, the Pentagon has done a great job of creating a whole host of services to support military families like this reservist's wife. But the military hasn't done such a good job of getting the word out. It's as if these services are a state secret.

The service providers on military installations do their best. Privacy issues limit their ability to track these families down, but they post notices at commissaries and in installation newspapers, and they do manage to reach a good number of the families who live on the installation. But two-thirds of active-duty families live out in the civilian community, as do nearly all National Guard and Reserve families. And they are not getting the word.

Changing this reality will require a three-pronged attack by unit commanders, Pentagon higher ups, and civilian communities.

I listed unit commanders as the first prong because family readiness is their official command responsibility. A struggling family is guaranteed to distract a servicemember from his or her wartime mission, so military readiness depends on family readiness, which is why family readiness is the unit commander's job. Commanders are the ones who must bear the primary burden for educating and supporting the families in their units. Plus, they know who and where these families are. But they've got to do more than just send home a few handouts with the troops. In a survey of spouses, that form of communication was ranked dead last in effectiveness, because handouts almost never make it home. Some commanders do think creatively and make it a priority to educate families about available services. It's time for all unit commanders to do the same.

Which leads me to the second prong of this attack on secret services. I'm not sure why the military can't find me. The “junk mail people” seem to have no trouble tracking me down. That's where those in charge of family readiness at the Pentagon could make a difference. A comprehensive direct mail campaign to families in all the service branches would get the information in their hands, presented in a consistent.

Finally, the third prong requires our nation as a whole to take some responsibility for caring for our military families. Since most military families don't live on  military installations, that means civilian friends, neighbors, coworkers, teachers, daycare providers, mental health professionals, police officers, and clergy are in a position to save military families from slipping through the cracks. Civilians who come in contact with a military family that's struggling can steer them toward help -- if the civilians know what services are available.

When I came in contact with the Montana reservist's wife, I put her in touch with Military OneSource. The social worker at the other end of the 24-hour hotline hooked her up with free counseling from a local civilian therapist and her life began to improve. In addition, the National Guard runs a Family Assistance Center in Missoula. It's one of many Family Assistance Centers in all 50 states, and they're available to help all military families from any service branch. Families that live near a major military installation can go to the Community Services Center, which pulls together many services in one place. Chaplains, military health clinics, and Vet Centers can help, too. All this just scratches the surface of what's out there.

In Vermont, entire communities are educating themselves with day-long seminars so they, too, can provide real support for military families. Similar efforts are underway in other states. I've pulled together a full list of suggestions on how communities and individuals can take action and educate themselves.

Services for families aren't meant to be a secret. I'm sure there are many other innovative ways to get the word out. If we attack the problem from all sides, together we can create a safety net for military families in need.