Excerpt from An Overwhelming Discovery, Part 1

I recently attended a workshop called “Follow Your Dreams While you Follow the Military” held by authors Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer, both military spouses. In this workshop Kathie and Holly teach that 42 percent of your happiness is your attitude toward life. Improving your attitude is done by improving your thoughts and actions. Negativity is so much more powerful than positivity, so you have to genuinely work on becoming a more positive person.

After this workshop I had a discussion with my business partner Star Henderson. I told her how I would love to live this 42 percent rule right now but I still find myself overwhelmed with all that military life throws my way. I have always been a positive person but it’s so hard to put forth that effort all the time with so many things going on. Star threw a different percentage my way. She asked me “Tara, do you know that 92 percent is still an A?”

So how do you make these percentages work for you? There is a quote called the “Serenity Prayer” that says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” No matter what your religion or beliefs, that is good advice. When faced with being overwhelmed, stressed, or frustrated you have two options: change it or cope with it. 

Below are some strategies for you to exercise those options:

1. Recognize what you are feeling. Do you feel powerless and out of control? Do you feel like you have too many things to do? You don’t know where to start? One of the biggest challenges that we have is recognizing this and figuring out how to cope instead of continuing down into a negative spiral, complicating the situation even more.
   
2. Get specific about what is overwhelming you — write a list about what you’re feel is out of control. Is it a move, deployment, kids, household chores, work? 
   
3. Develop coping strategies. Some of the things I list below can help, but realize you might have to take the time to research and ask for some help.
   
4. Discuss and talk about your feelings with others. Finding a friend that is a positive force can make all the difference. Tell them you need help and then vent — ask them for some suggestions for solutions. Be careful not to pull them down into your spiral with you. Also, let them know you are looking for a resolution.

I have discovered some tips that will help you take some time for yourself and function with a better outlook and a lot less stress. Here are some simple suggestions that will help you craft a more positive environment.

1. Write down everything you have to do. Circle the things you do not want to do. Go back and cross out those things you do not want to do that you do not have to do.
2. Schedule your time. This is half the battle. Most spouses live without a schedule and don’t realize where their time is being spent. 
3. Define your values. What is most important to you? Family? Friends? Volunteering? Work? From what do you receive the most personal reward 
4. Highlight those things that are in line with your values, cross out those things that are not.
5. Start a grateful journal. Each night write down the things you are grateful for. This is great exercise for children as well.
6. Take time to play a game, sit outdoors, and spend time with friends. Schedule that time if you have to, but make it happen.
7. Turn off your phone. Conveniently misplace your cell phone, turn off the ringer on your home phone. Take a day with no “rings.” It’s ok to do once and awhile. This works well with all electronics.  
8. Make someone else’s day. Ironically, making others happy can really improve your outlook. Spend one day making an effort to say nothing but fun, inspiring, positive things to others and see what happens to your day.
9. Take a break. If you are at work don’t feel guilty for taking a short “me” break. Have lunch and read the paper. Go out with your co-workers to a nice restaurant.
10. Get a massage or treat yourself to a pedicure or manicure.
11. Exercise. This doesn’t mean you have to start a new exercise regimen, for some that can be stressful enough by itself. It means you can take a walk, or go for a swim.
12. Laugh. This is the best medicine. When in doubt, pop in a funny movie, or a watch good stand-up comedian. At my house, we take a minute to play with our dogs and laugh at the funny things they do.

Remember, these aren’t things you’ll remember to do unless you constantly strive and put forth a genuine effort to do them. It’s all too easy to forget and end up right back where you started. Post little highly visible reminders around the house. Take a moment out of each day and your hardest to live by 42 percent and 92 percent and you'll be a more positive, more relaxed, and more effective person.