Have you felt overwhelmed lately? I have. I am sure you have noticed in your “Army Wife Life” that things can become a bit harried especially when we deal with everyday military life and deployments.

Military spouses are as active as ever, and it’s not just military life harries us. It’s the normal every day things: taking care of the children, working a full- or part-time job, feeding the dogs, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, paying the bills … need I say more? You’re out there trying to balance your life, your work, your family, your volunteer service, and everything else under the sun.

I am sure by this point you’ve realized I must have been writing the above from experience. That was me. That is me. I was overwhelmed. I recently attended a workshop called “Follow Your Dreams While You Follow the Military,” held by authors Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer, both military spouses. In this workshop Kathie and Holly say that 42 percent of your happiness is your attitude toward life. Improving your attitude is done by improving your thoughts and actions. Negativity is so much more powerful than positivity, so you have to genuinely work on becoming a more positive person. I quickly wrote down the 42 percent rule.

After this workshop I was having a discussion with my business partner Star Henderson, telling her how I want to live this 42 percent rule right now but I still find myself overwhelmed with all that military life throws my way. I have always been a positive person but it’s so hard to put forth that effort all the time. Star threw a different percentage my way. She asked me “Tara, do you know that 92 percent is still an A?” Being the goal oriented person I was she knew this was exactly what I needed to hear.

I give 110 percent in everything I do. I didn’t know how to accept any less from myself. In Army life not expecting that much from others was also quite a frustration. That frustration led to overwhelming myself, since no one else could give me that 110 percent I decided I’d just do it all myself.
 
I found myself feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Coupled with facing another deployment, those feelings led me to become a negative person. I was in a downward spiral. I started asking myself questions: How could I mentor others to be positive if I felt so negative myself? How can I lead people through a life with which I am so frustrated? Who am I? I don't even feel like myself. Then it occurred to me that I was what I always said I was, just like each of you, a military spouse. This isn't anything that a military spouse hasn’t gone through before. The only people who can validate and understand our feelings are those that have been there. And I was doing just that, learning how to tell you “I was there" and survived. So I decided to pick myself up out of the negative spiral and inch my way back to a place where my head was above water. I reached out to others, learned from their experiences, and pocketed tidbits of information I was able to put into action.

Through these experiences and actions some things have evolved. I was able to clear off my plate by letting go of things that weren’t things I had to do. I was able to look under a microscope at projects and realize what details could be left and which ones had to stay. I was able to ask myself the tough questions of what is really important to me. I aligned my schedule to become more in touch with my values and my dreams. I had to make some tough choices, letting go of some things that I had previously held on to. I had to learn to say “no.” I had to also learn to realize that when others said “no” it wasn’t always because they didn’t want to, but because they had to. On the side of being a positive person, I try each day to realize how lucky I am that to be able to choose my favorite things to do. I am blessed to be able to be so involved, needed, and depended upon.

In the end, I have learned to live in the percentages. Is it work? You bet! Being the best you can be doesn’t always mean that you have to function on high speed 110 percent of the time. Granted, I’ll never be one to completely slow down. My standards are still considered high. I still have those moments when I wonder how I’ll ever be able to pull myself into the 42 percent bracket and be positive about the situation. We’re all going to have those moments, nothing is ever perfect, but like Star says, 92 percent is still an A!