How does a nation win a war? Are there reliable measures that can be used along the way that will tell how a nation is doing?

“Winning” was clearer in World War II as the allies won a series of battles in the race to Berlin. It was also obvious in the Pacific, as our forces crushed the Japanese in island after island.

Today, “measuring” success is far different. It fascinates me that so many experts know how a war is being decided. Afghanistan and Iraq are examples of wars where there are almost as many predictions as there are experts. For a long time, we won in Afghanistan but now it is going the other way. Iraq, on the other hand, is mired in civil strife and, according to many, is hopeless.

America always seemed confident in its war fighting until Vietnam. Then, things appear to have changed. But did they really?

As a Marine Vietnam veteran, I have been advised that we lost the war but it surely never looked that way while I was there. In fact, American forces controlled every metropolitan area save one (Hue City) from 1965-1972, when U.S. ground forces were withdrawn. We smashed our foes very time we battled the North Vietnamese Army. Never was that more true than in 1968 when Hanoi sent several divisions into the war, trying to over-run U.S. positions. The NVA failed miserably but suddenly, almost as if on cue, experts declared the war hopelessly lost.

Over 30 years later, the ghosts of Vietnam will never leave my sleep. But neither will the serenity and kindness of the Vietnamese people. Whenever we could, and it was never enough, we pulled out the stops for the Vietnamese civilians in and around our combat base of An Hoa.

I remember the day that we finished construction on a new school. This wasn't etched into our battle plan. Even battle hardened Marines, though, knew about the struggle for hearts and minds. As the school opened for students, we had won a battle that would shape a future generation. Every child there knew that it was Americans, not the dreaded North Vietnamese that had built that school.

Therein lies a key. Sure, military might -- or intimidation -- may provide a momentary triumph, but such events are mere glimpses in the passage of human history. How warriors touch the hearts and minds of the civilians will be as telling generations into the future. Today, Americans are the most admired foreign nation by the Vietnamese people. Could that be winning?

I have come to believe that there are as many heroes off as on the battlefield.They are warriors and even civilians. Recently, I learned about Jack Cox, a Fayetteville, North Carolina man, West Pointer, Vietnam veteran, and a person who believes that winning is reaching the soul of a small child.

In this case, largely through his efforts, thousands of “school kits” have been assembled for the children of Iraq. He has organized church groups in North and South Carolina who lead this critical mission. We won't be seeing Cox lining up for any military medals, although he has his share, but through his coordination and management the lives of precious children have hope that otherwise might vanish.

The other day I met a young soldier at a gas station near the gate to Fort Bragg, the Army special operations command. He had been to Iraq and was getting ready to go again. I asked him what part of the war he most valued. He said, “delivering bottles of water.” I said that I had been a thirsty Marine and could appreciate his work. He said he had misspoken. He said he would gather bottles of water wherever he could, sometimes purchased with his own money. He then took the water to Iraqi civilians that needed it.

Osama bin Laden may have his grand designs. He fights from the shadows where darkness prevails. He may win a battle, but not the war that matters, which may be seen in 20 or even 30 years. Somewhere, somehow, we, because of the quiet yet heroic efforts of a few like Jack Cox, will win hearts and minds. And that is all that matters.