Hello Tara and Star,

I am a National Guard wife. When my husband was deployed, I quickly discovered I was very alone. Most Guard units have members scattered all over the state and most families never meet until the bus pulls out with our soldiers in them for a deployment.

I discovered something that struck me as unusual when my husband returned after a 13-month deployment. I suffered from something that may have been a form of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). While my husband was in Iraq, my whole life revolved around him. I worked like a crazy person to help raise funds ... to help his unit. I lived and breathed to make his life easier. Upon his return I began having horrible nightmares, panic attacks, and so on, all relating to his deployment in Iraq. I was terrified to leave the house without him for fear he would not be here when I got home. I had nightmares that he was still in Iraq and hurt or worse.

I don't know how common or uncommon this is, but I wonder if there is any information relating to deployment and how it affects family members?
 
Thanks So Much!

Trudy, Michigan Army National Guard wife, 10 years

Dear Trudy:

I hear you. I have been through three of my husband’s deployments with the Guard. I commonly tell people that my most difficult times have been in the 90 days before and after when I actually hugged my husband “hello.” It is hard to keep your emotions from complicating a complicated time. This is true for active duty soldiers, deployed reservists, their spouses, extended family, and even close friends. If you know a soldier and have a heart, I venture to say that it would be impossible for you not to be affected by the deployment of that soldier.

As I see it, there are three factors working against an easy transition: poor communication, fear, and altered expectations. When asked how I know my husband is “ok,” I tell people that we talk about everything. Oftentimes, soldiers do not want to share the details of a deployment with their spouse, not because they can not trust their spouse, but because they are trying to spare the spouse from the ugly things that may have happened. A spouse must understand this but encourage the soldier to talk to someone and find someone to talk to as well. One thing you can always talk about is Life, “from this point.” Realign your goals and life ambitions; get to know each other again.

Recently, a chaplain at our Strong Bonds retreat said, “Soldiers are raring to change things when they get home and spouses are ready for things to return to normal.” This is a perfect example of how expectations that may have held true at the start of a relationship change after a life-altering experience such as a deployment. However, you will never know this if you don’t communicate. The last, fear, can somewhat be subsided by talking too. The more you talk about the feelings of fear, anger, and anxiety, the easier it is to sort out what is rational versus irrational and identify what is more or less common. If your spouse can not listen objectively or is having problems of their own, find a friend, chaplain or FRG member.

From my counseling training, I do know that individuals can suffer PTSD if they feel an imminent threat imposed on their loved one, for instance, a soldier in a combat zone. Also, there are other disorders such as the Acute Stress Disorder, which is similar to PTSD but does not last as long. These are mental health diagnoses that may require the help of a professional. So I caution you, and everyone else, when you start experiencing those symptoms that feel severe and disrupt your ability to manage everyday life, you should see your primary care manager (PCM) for an assessment and referral.

Beyond your PCM, there are three other resources I would like to share here. These are resources that were born out of post-deployment studies and after action reviews (AARs). This is just information on a few, but as I said, the military is trying to develop more and better services. For example, as recently as December of 2005, the National Military Family Association (NMFA) participated in a Congressional Briefing on the impact of PTSD on Military and Veteran Families. This is due to individuals like you making their difficult experiences known on surveys and studies conducted by entities like the National Defense Research Institute, www.rand.org/nsrd/ndri.html. 

Here are those three ways I mentioned:
DoD’s Mental Health Self-Assessment (MHSA) Program This is an online survey that soldiers and family members can take to assess for alcohol use, PTSD, etc. Individuals can print out their results and a resource list upon the completion of the survey. It is completely anonymous and available 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Find the MHSA at www.MilitaryMentalHealth.org.

Military OneSource Soldiers and family members can access this assistance for consultation and counseling referrals. Case managers are master’s level professionals with extensive knowledge of the military lifestyle and probably have heard it all. They are also available anytime at www.militaryonesource.com and 1-800-342-9647.

Vet Centers also provide assessment and counseling for soldiers and families. These services are in almost every community. You can visit your local Vet Center as a family member to educate yourself on what your soldier has endured as well as to fill your own military-related, counseling needs. For Health Care benefits call 1-800-827-1000.

These are not the only services. I focus on them because they were brought about by the military and should endure. Community agencies, educational institutions, private practitioners, and local governments are working independently or in tandem with the military to respond to the needs of families. I hope, if you still need help, that you will follow through on these services, educate yourself, and receive a professional assessment. Just know that you are not the only one, and we are so glad that you chose to share your experience with us for the benefit of others.

Here are more resources for dealing with deployments:
www.nmha.org National Mental Health Association, “Operation Healthy Reunions”
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2006/coming.home/resources/ Coming Home: Families and War
http://www.pdhealth.mil/ Deployment Health Clinical Center, “Family and Friends” link
Most links have resources for children, severely injured soldiers, and widow(er)s as well.

Have other questions? For more information or to submit your Field Problem, visit www.FieldProblems.com or e-mail FromTheField@FieldProblems.com. Please include your first name, location, branch of service, and years in/associated with the military. Questions may be edited for length and clarity.