Someone barked into the phone. The actual word was “hello”. But it sounded like, “What is a sniveling peevish little wench like you interrupting my busy day?” 

“Uhhh… Brad? Is this you?” I said.

“Who did you think it was?” He snapped. 

Suddenly I had visions of him in the middle of burying a body. Or shoving nine Vegas showgirls out the door.

“You sound kind of weird.” I told him.

“ Didn’t you get my e-mail?” 

“Sure. One about how you can’t attend that change of command and another one about how you gave up those Commit lozenges….” 

Commit lozenges. Oh. I forgot. I’m not married to a nice man after all. I’m married to a heavily medicated nicotine addict.

This is surprisingly easy to forget. Since Brad is in the middle of a geographic bachelor tour, I can’t taste the cigars any more. I rarely hear that tic in his throat over the phone. So I do forget that he is trying to quit smoking. Until he bites my face off. Then I remember.

When Brad first decided to quit, he started these Commit lozenges as a bridge to help him get over his cigar addiction. Which he started smoking 10years ago during a deployment to help him get over his addiction to smokeless tobacco. Which he started in college because he wasn’t going to be like his parents and smoke. 

The nicotine mind works in dangerous ways. 

Yet his new pit bull personality has me weighing how many years of "Nic Fit Brad" I can actually take. How long before I start buying big ol’ stogies and placing them next to his plate like an extra fork? Slipping Commit lozenges into his box of Altoids? 

The guilt from that thought alone was enough to send me scurrying off to Mary Ella Douglas, Director of Training and Education for the American Lung Association of Virginia. She told me that the irritability experienced by the person trying to quit is usually one of the main reasons people are afraid of quitting.  

“Most smokers quit multiple times before they are successful, and being irritable with family members during the initial phase of quitting is one reason mentioned frequently as a “back door” to keep smoking,” said Douglas. 

Why did I not know that? I know people worry about gaining weight, but not about snapping at their families. When I went online for more info, I found multiple smoking cessation websites that said that nicotine is one of the most addicting substances on earth. Alcoholics and former drug users wrote in to say that nicotine was their worst addiction to give up by far. Yes, nicotine is supposed to be a worse addiction than heroin.

No wonder Brad is a little edgy. Mary Ella Douglas said that this irritability will last weeks, maybe even months before the smoker is back to being his old self. “But he’ll be back,” she promised.

In the meantime, I can expect to love, honor, and email a guy who acts like his uniform was made from a Scotch-Brite pad. I’ll be able to hear him mainlining pork rinds and pretzels in my ear. 

That’s all right with me. Really, it is. Because I’d rather live with a pit bull for a few months, if it means I get to live with a quitter for the rest of my life.

Tips for Families

Mary Ella Douglas, Developer and Facilitator for the American Lung Association’s Freedom From Smoking Online Program offers these tips for the families of smokers who are trying to quit. Check their website at www.lungusa.org.

1. Nagging, scolding or preaching does not work when someone is trying to quit smoking. Families can be support of the quitter by acknowledging how difficult quitting is for their loved one. Ask how you can be helpful.

2. Celebrate their victories (a day, a week, a month, etc. smoke free.) Take your loved one out for a meal, bake a special treat, make a CD of his/her favorite music, clean out his vehicle, give him the remote! Be sure to reward smoke free behavior right away.

3. Encouragement goes a long way. Remind the quitter that he is strong, can get through this, and that you are there for him all the way.
 
4. Oftentimes people smoke as a stress reducer. There are healthier ways to deal with stress. Help him search for some healthy ways to take the edge off. Talking with a physician about getting some exercise is a perfect way to begin.