Some Seek Help for Grandparent Caregivers

The mother of three Airmen is asking the military to extend financial assistance to grandparents who are caring for their grandchildren because of a military deployment.

"I need to have a job and these kids need to get that early education," Rasham Prassad told Military.com in a recent interview. "We are proud to have our children serve the country, and are happy to care for Priya, but to have help with the day care would be a great idea."

Prassad flew to California last fall to pick up 2-year-old Priya from her mother who was stationed at Travis Air Force Base, Calif. Priya's mother, Staff Sgt. Doreen Prassad, was slated to return from Iraq this month.

"I know that I am not the only single parent soldier who has been rescued by my parents," Prassad told Military.com in an e-mail. "There are several grandparents out there who have done the same. It is amazing to me to have such support and I am so thankful that my parents agreed to do this."

The military does not keep an official tally on the number of grandparents caring for military dependents during deployments but anecdotal evidence suggests the practice is widespread.

There are 140,000 single parents serving across the active and reserve forces. As of the latest count, there are roughly 23,468 single parents deployed abroad while nearly 190,000 single parents have deployed since the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan commenced.

In some cases, the child's other parent or guardian can step in to care for children during a deployment. Some, like Staff Sgt. Prassad, don't enjoy that luxury.

Nationwide, there are approximately 2.5 million grandparents caring for their children's children, according to Amy Goyer, vice president for outreach with grandparents.com. Like almost any trend impacting the nation at large, the military also has its fair share of grandparent caregivers.

"There are a lot of them out there and they tend to be silent because they don't want to complain," Goyer said. "They are not verbal about it, but they really step up and ensure the military member can do their job."

The issue gained the attention of Congress last year which passed a law allowing service members to name their parents who are caring for their children as the beneficiary of the $100,000 death benefit.

So far, 508 single parents have been killed serving in Iraq or Afghanistan, according to the Pentagon.

Air Force spokesman Capt. Tom Wenz said there are a number of Air Force Web sites that provide information designed to support those caring for the children of Airmen during a deployment.

"Part of the pre-deployment planning that we all go through is to ensure there is an effective family care plan," Wenz said. "As part of that, officials from the base's family support center will tell them what benefits and unique programs there are to support their situation."

He stressed that families in a situation like Prassad's are not restricted to the Airman's duty station when looking for support. They could approach family support services at any nearby Air Force installation.

Even if things go well planning for the deployment, living with grandma and grandpa while the parent's overseas is far from a months-long trip to Disney World.

"There are so many issues that go along with this situation. They've got emotional and psychological issues. They are not with them. It doesn't matter if they are in California or Iraq, they are not with their parent," Goyer said. "Then there are financial issues and health issues."

"It can be a lot to deal with, especially for grandparents who haven't dealt with babies or infants in decades."

Goyer stressed that grandparents exercise due diligence in ensuring all legal documents in are in order before a deployment. As they say, prepare for the worst and pray for the best.

"Things happen while they are away. Unexpected things and sometimes grandparents get involved in that, too," Goyer said.

A problem that has grown as more deployments put further stress on single military members is child custody battles.

Again, there is no nationwide count on the number of service members fighting to regain custody of their child following a deployment, but rising divorce numbers and deployments that show no sign of abating promise further conflict between parents vying for custody.

Some states have passed laws in recent years to limit the impact of custody battles during military deployments, but laws vary widely by state and there is no federal statute protecting troops.

"They are not always protected in the same way," Goyer said. "Sometimes the court will look at it and say we have to do what's best for the child and the grandparents are back trying to deal with it on the home front."