Background information and commentary by Andrew Carroll: Few things are more meaningful to those who serve than receiving mail from home. But when the letters don't come -- or if they are not what is expected -- they can be emotionally shattering. During Operation Desert Storm, U.S. Army captain Mary Ellen O'Connor (her names and all those below are being changed in the interest of privacy) frequently wrote to her sister, Erin, in Wisconsin about the burdens of being away from her husband, as well as the challenges she faced as an American woman in Saudi Arabia. On April 2, 1991 O'Connor joked in a letter to Erin that a local Bedouin (desert nomad), “offered one of my guys two camels, 4 goats, 4 sheep, and a son for me. Now I have to have an escort when I do P.T.” But later that same day, O'Connor raised a much more serious subject she did not feel comfortable discussing with anyone else, including her husband. Indeed, he was the problem. O'Connor's letter is printed, in its entirety, in BEHIND THE LINES . (Oma is O'Connor's grandmother. And the term, "watches my 6,” is the same as “watches my back.")

Hello Erin,

Sure did enjoy your letter from the other A.M. I called. Hawaii sounded so beautiful. Well as I chomp on my gum, sister-to-sister, let me try to be Mary Ellen instead of CPT O'Connor. I don't ask a whole lot of Brad other than to be there for me. He doesn't have to support me, fight my battles, etc. Over here I am called CPT Frosty because I hide what ever emotion I am feeling. The only connection any of us have with our personal selves is provided through mail. Quite frankly I am very hurt and disappointed Brad has not written. I have received only 4 letters since XMAS. 4. Yet I get mail from you, mom, and Oma all the time. I get mail regularly from pen pals I have never met…. No letters from him, yet everyone got one from a spouse.

I was very hurt to not have a letter describing what he felt when the war started. Damn it Erin I could have died! The only reinforcement to knowing if he cares are letters. I am so hurt that if we were not married, he'd be history even though I Love him very much…. You know the spouse support group wrote Valentine's greetings on a large banner and sent it over. I was embarrassed that Brad did not use the word Love anywhere in his greeting. I really needed to read that he loves me, or that he wants me to be his valentine -- not watch my 6. Hell, everyone watches my 6 -- I just want my man….

He wouldn't be the first -- although I pray he'll find the strength. I Love him very much. I poured my heart out to him -- let him know me. I was vulnerable and I have had no response. Erin I hate this place, I hate the horrors I'll have to live with, I hate how old I feel. I don't want to hate Brad, I want to love him. But everytime I think of him and write as I am doing so now I end up crying because it hurts. I needed him thru letters, and he didn't or couldn't respond.

Everything else will need to wait. I can't write anymore.

Love you Sis,

M

Unfortunately, after Captain O'Connor returned from the Middle East, she and her husband could not reconcile their differences. They divorced a year and a half later.

NEXT WEEK: A Korean War soldier responds to a “Dear John” letter.