Chapter commentary: From the very beginning of the larger “Operation Homecoming” initiative, the National Endowment for the Arts invited the family members of servicemen and women to contribute their writings, too. These spouses, parents, siblings, and other loved ones “serve” in wartime as well, and their stories deserve to be told and their sacrifices recognized. And they also wrote some of the most extraordinary and insightful pieces featured in the book.

TOO MUCH REALITY
(Letter)
Pamela J. Clemens

Commentary: When U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Jason R. Clemens embarked for Iraq in February 2003 with the 54th Engineer Battalion, 130th Engineer Brigade, his wife, Pam, found it nerve-racking to follow the news. But she also found it impossible to ignore. On March 23, 2003, Clemens wrote to her husband after seeing one particularly horrendous update. The following is an excerpt from that letter. (Jake is their dog.)
 
…I took Jake for a walk and cried the whole time. I just don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you. When I got back from the walk, I was pouring the dog food into the bin when the phone rang. I answered it and the person on the other end hung up. I was scared that it was someone calling to see if I was home so they could come tell me that you were a POW.

Well I went back to pouring the dog food and since I cut the bag at an angle, it spilled all over the floor. I was bent down picking up the food and I began to cry. Then the phone rang again. As I was getting up, I banged my head on the corner of the cabinet.

I answered the phone and it was my dad. Jason I broke down like a baby. I think my dad must have seen the news too as he kept assuring me that it was not you who was captured. He just let me cry and told me everything was going to be okay…. I just can’t watch the TV. I am so sorry, but it is just too hard for me. I watch some, but the majority of it, I just can’t take. It is too much reality for me....

I was watching Tom Brokaw right before I was going to go to bed when he said that the maintenance unit came from the 3rd ID 507th out of Ft. Bliss TX. They even have an African American female. Jason, I can’t tell you what went through my mind. I was so relieved, but my chest still hurt for the fam­ilies of those who were captured. I feel so guilty because I was glad it was not you. I immediately called your dad and your mom answered the phone. I was so glad she was there. She said that your dad was doing a bit better. I told them what I had heard and they were relieved.

We kept talking and they said that they found comfort talking to me since we were all in this together....
I will write more later and fill in the gaps in this letter that I forgot to write. Love You!

© “OPERATION HOMECOMING: Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Home Front, in the Words of U.S. Troops and Their Families” (Random House, 2006), edited by Andrew Carroll. Reprinted by permission.

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MANNING THE HOME FRONT
(Personal Narrative)
Peter Madsen

Commentary: “I am a single father of three, a sometimes retail and distribution manager, and a husband,” Peter Madsen wrote in the summer of 2004 from Fort Bragg, North Carolina. “My wife, Specialist Juliet C. Madsen, is an Army Medic stationed in Iraq.” Peter Madsen himself had been in the military for nine years before retiring in 1999 after breaking his back in an accident. His wife, Juliet, was in the Army Reserve before the launch of Operation Iraqi Free­dom and went back on active duty March 30, 2004. She deployed two months later, leaving Peter and their three children behind in North Carolina. The high number of female troops heading off to war has created a relatively new social phenomenon: the single-parent, home-front husband, and Madsen’s account—of which the following is just an excerpt—is a touching and humorous introduction to this new phenomenon.

When Juliet first left for Iraq, I didn’t do as well as I thought I might. I sat in bed telling myself over and over that I could do this. Then the panic set in, and I cried. I had no idea how to get the kids to school on time let alone how to feed them on a daily basis. I was simply not prepared for this. Apparently our wives do more than sit around eating bonbons and watching the Home Shopping Network. The list of things that keep a house in running order doesn’t just get done by itself, and that was pretty apparent in our home within days of Juliet’s departure.

The house was a mess, the laundry pile grew daily, and the kids were be­coming rather unimpressed by the menu selection. I was lying on the couch watching Oprah on TiVo one evening after work when they gathered around me. The eldest cleared her throat. “Dad,” she said, then paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. “Dad, we don’t really like pizza that much anymore.”

I looked at the younger two, and they were nodding rather emphatically. Being a good father, I realized we needed to make a change.

Two weeks later, they came back. This time Joshua, my middle child, spoke. “Dad, we don’t like Chinese either.”…

Sociologists and psychologists would have an absolute blast in my home. I could write a book about what not to say to young children. I’ve said them all in just a few weeks. The good news is that I don’t think that I have scarred them permanently. I start each day with “I love you” and end it the same way. At night they sneak into my bed, kiss me quietly, and whisper, “I love you, Daddy.” This is a new world where our mothers, sisters, daughters, and wives go to war. Gentlemen, we had better get prepared. …

I can’t say that this has been an easy month. I can say that we are making it one day at a time. I have killed two goldfish and a hamster, and I have ruined at least three loads of laundry. The good news is that once you turn every­thing pink, it stays pink. The fish went to the porcelain graveyard with snick­ers from the older kids and a somber eulogy from the youngest. The hamster has a place of honor and a cross in the backyard.

I have learned what our soldier’s wives have lived for generations: hope and grief and perseverance. I find humor with my children every day….

I don’t know where our story will end. I just know that we make it through each day with love and laughter, and that is good enough for now.

© “OPERATION HOMECOMING: Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Home Front, in the Words of U.S. Troops and Their Families” (Random House, 2006), edited by Andrew Carroll. Reprinted by permission.
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NEXT WEEK: Excerpts from Chapter Five of OPERATION HOMECOMING — “This Is Not a Game: The Physical and Emotional Toll of War”