Movie Review: Babylon A.D.

James Vance - Tulsa World

Sep 02, 2008

Babylon A.D. - *1/2

Some movies work best if you turn your brain off before the lights go down, and "Babylon A.D." is definitely grey matter- optional. In fact, you may find that the best way to enjoy it is to shut down your vital systems altogether.

Vin Diesel stars as a lethal mercenary soldier named Toorop (no, really) who's pulled out of whatever barely identified foreign country he's laying waste to, in order to smuggle a young woman halfway across the world and into the United States. Though he distrusts the smarmy old terrorist who's brokering the deal (Gerard Depardieu, heavily made up but - unfortunately for his reputation - still recognizable), Toorop sees it as a way to return home after years of enforced exile.

The young woman in question, Aurora (Melanie Thierry), is an orphan who's been raised at a cloister in Mongolia. Accompanying her is the lady who raised her, Sister Rebeka (Michelle Yeoh), who explains that the ethereal Aurora has developed a mysterious medical condition that can only be treated in New York. And so they're off across Russia, the Bering Strait and the Atlantic, occasionally pausing to fight off some mysterious folks who are doing their best to keep Aurora from completing her journey.

That's pretty much all you need to know. Everything else is just shooting, punching, kicking and, of course, blowing stuff up.

The Vinster turns in the expected performance, looking good when he has to hurt someone and sounding like he's cold-reading obits from a foreign-language newspaper when he has to recite dialogue. The male counterpart to Milla Jovovich, Diesel has become the current master of the loud underachieving action flick.

As a nun with a past - and some nifty kung fu moves - martial arts star Yeoh comes off best in the acting department. Thierry, though given a schizophrenic character who's supposed to become more dynamic as the story progresses, rarely rises above tepid. And former cinema femme fatale Charlotte Rampling is embarrassingly over the top as the religious leader with a sinister secret.

Set in the near future, the film is based on a French science fiction novel called "Babylon Babies," and one suspects that the interesting parts were the first to go in the adaptation. What we're left with is a muddled story that moves from the ugly blasted landscape of Russia and Asia to a "Blade Runner"-inspired take on New York City, where all the buildings are animated billboards and, one assumes, everyone is for sale. (That's the scenery, mind you; the script is far too generic to actually tell us anything.)

It's a movie that thinks it's a more exciting "Children of Men," but it's really about as brainy as the original "Death Race 2000." All the noise will keep you awake, but if you're going to keep your eyes open, maybe you should bring along a good book. "Babylon Babies" might qualify, but you'd never know it from the lamebrain adaptation that Vin and company have inflicted on us.

Babylon A.D.

One and a half stars

Starring: Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh

Running Time: one hour, 30 minutes

Rated: PG-13 intense sequences of violence and action, language and some sexuality

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