Email this page to friends RSS feed About the Author Deborah Tainsh, who studied creative writing at Irvine Valley College, Irvine, California and at the Santa Barbara Writer’s Workshop, is the author of, Heart of a Hawk, Eye of the Eagle, Tainsh’s first full- length book inspired by the death of her stepson, Sergeant Patrick Tainsh, killed in Iraq by a roadside bomb on February 11, 2004. Her latest volunteer work is in support of TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program) for widows, children, and other survivors of military personnel. Deborah and her husband, Retired USMC Sergeant Major David L. Tainsh, live in the serene woodlands of Harris County, Georgia near Fort Benning. They have another son, Phillip, who lives in Columbus, Georgia. Military Opinions Index Discussion Board Have an opinion on this article? Sound off. Your Two Cents Submit your stories, news items, or a benefits update -- and help Military.com bring the best, most important stories to your fellow servicemembers, veterans, and family members. Contribute here

August 29, 2005

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With my husband, USMC Sgt Major Retired David Tainsh and I having lost a son, Sgt Patrick Tainsh of the 2nd Armored Cavalry Regiment, to a roadside bomb in Baghdad on February 11, 2004, it has been personally disheartening and aggravating to watch Mrs. Cindy Sheehan call President Bush a liar and say that her son's sacrifice was not worth the mission.

As an American, she has the freedom to speak as she chooses. Even though I disagree with her actions, I would never negate Mrs. Sheehan's grief -- a dark abyss of overwhelming emotion that takes a parent to places never comprehended. My heart goes out to Cindy, as do the hearts of other Gold Star parents I've spoken with.

However, to see the media bring Mrs. Sheehan to the center of attention for her camp-in at Crawford, Texas, and her acceptance of support from such as Michael Moore in her anti-war protests while other parents with opposite views go unheard, reflects how certain media swarm to one side of an issue, camp on it, and push it down throats even though it is not the viewpoint of the majority.

During my disgust with this, I was ecstatic to receive a call on Monday, August 22, from Boston's WBZ 1030 News Radio. I was provided the opportunity to be a guest of talk show host Paul Sullivan. Mr. Sullivan made me feel perfectly at ease and non-threatened, and was thoughtful and considerate enough to want to engage in a discussion with the parent of a fallen soldier whose views opposed Mrs. Sheehan's. His central question to me was how the media hype surrounding Mrs. Sheehan made me feel. My grief was as valid as hers, but I wasn't getting bombarded with media attention for my views.

My response: “Pained -- aggravated.” Once again the media appears one-sided and conveys the message that Sheehan speaks for all Gold Star families and fallen soldiers -- far from truth.

After hearing that white crosses had been placed at Crawford, my husband contacted the Crawford Sheriff's department to remove anything with our son's name. We know that Patrick would not have wanted to be a part of such.

I believe media sound bites paint pictures for terrorists and insurgents to believe America's grieving mothers/parents don't support their children's mission, and that we're becoming weaker. I believe that by pasting words all over news land saying a mother doesn't believe her child's sacrifice is worth the cause belittles the courage and efforts of every soldier in the deserts of Iraq and Afghanistan.

As is everyone's freedom and choice in America -- thanks to two centuries of bloodshed by many sons and daughters -- Mrs. Sheehan has chosen her way to express the incorrigible emotions associated with losing a child. But along the way she has allowed the media to add fuel in sharing her rage with the world.

Well, what about my feelings? Although Mrs. Sheehan has had her time once with President Bush, she wants more, and there are those sympathizers who condemn Bush for not meeting with her again. What about those of us who settled with our letter from Washington? Maybe I should ask for at least a phone call from the White House. With enough tears, could I possibly solicit a movie star or two to come to my home and spend a few hours with me and other grieving parents? If I cry really loud, will the media report on my grief?

No -- and this isn't my style, or that of other grieving parents I know. We find ways to honor our fallen children -- our heroes -- by writing books, creating scholarships, or building a garden to share with others. We sit quietly at home in the cocoon of disbelief that our family has been disjointed and knocked into a world we never asked for, but accept because that's what our children ask of us. We don't blame the President. We don't believe he lied. We believe the world is rid of a tyrant. Many of us are still confident that weapons of mass destruction remain buried deep in the far-reaching sands of Iraq. We don't believe a date should be set for withdrawal from Iraq. We believe the mission should be completed, the war won, a democracy in place, and terrorists disappointed that U.S. parents and soldiers stand together as one -- until the objective is met, while they learn they cannot halt a force of good.

Ten months after Patrick's death, his dad and I received a package from Fort Polk, Louisiana, which was Pat's home base. The package held Pat's military briefing book, and inside the first three pages was a letter he wrote in the event he did not make it home. His words said:

“I tried to do the right thing. I came here to help people who couldn't help the situation they were subject to. Maybe someday they will be able to enjoy freedom as we do. As far as for me, it was an honor to be able to experience that freedom. It was an honor to fight and die with an American flag on my shoulder. Honor -- that's a big word, and some people don't know what it means. It's not something that happens right away, it's something that builds up inside your soul.”

Since Patrick's death, my husband and I have remained in constant contact with Pat's Iraqi interpreter from Baghdad -- an Iraqi citizen, a husband, the father of two sons (a five and seven year-old) who was a journalist before the war and who has placed his life in danger daily by working with American security forces.

I received an email from him on Monday night. He had responded to my question as to whether the Iraqis were ready for the US to leave now. His response was this: “I want my people to be Iraqis. Not Sunni, Shite, or Kurds, but one people. The consensus is that America will stay until Iraq is stable. I know Americans will not give up. I'm sure of that, they will keep on as Mr. Bush said --that the pull out means a victory by terrorists, means also obscurants will prevail and good people will disappear forever -- no life, no moon and no sun.”

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© 2005 Leighton Loo. All opinions expressed in this article are the author's and do not necessarily reflect those of Military.com.