[Have an opinion about this article? Visit
the military
spouse discussion board.]
When CBS news asked John and Emilia Rocchio the secret of their 82-year marriage, the old guy seemed kind of annoyed by the question. Ever since the Providence, RI couple was identified as the world's longest married couple, everyone has been asking the secret to their happy marriage.
“Secret!? What secret?” John, 101, said. “ I live a normal life. She feeds me good.”
“And he never criticized me,” Emilia, 100, added. “He liked everything I did.”
The reporter hesitated for a fraction of a second, hoping for a little more. We were all hoping for a little more. Every time I see one of these interviews of military or civilian couples who stay married for 40, 50, 60 years, I'm hoping that for once they'll come up with the real deal. Just once the wife should lean over and whisper, "Cardamon seeds." Or whatever. She never does. Instead long marrieds give the same kinds of answers that the Rocchios gave different reporters over the past couple of months. They attribute their success to lovemaking, compromise, affection, and a sense of humor, pet names, patience, understanding and a good bowl of pasta e fagiola.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got all that in military life. But how can something as significant as a marriage that lasts eight decades and produces two happy people who still hold hands be as simple as that? Human beings write constantly about the intricacies and mysteries and complications and chemical composition of love. It's one of our favorite subjects. In what way can the secret boil down to an answer as simple as food and acceptance?
Maybe it can't. Maybe there is so much that goes into a long relationship that the old folks don't have the breath to tell us. Or maybe they have learned to read our impatience so well that they deliver the short answer we expect.
But I look at the Rocchios and think that in a lot of ways the secret of a long marriage really might be that simple. Maybe all you have to do to stay married for 82 years is to let a guy live a normal life and feed him every now and again. Maybe all women want is not to be criticized, to have someone think they do no wrong. That's hard for us to remember, especially when deployment is only a few weeks away. Or the one we love hasn't eaten at our table in months.
Then again, maybe the secret is that certain couples are like ones we know in our command-- so well suited, so uncomplicated that their relationship doesn't need whispers of Mars and Venus or doses of Dr. Phil. Maybe they are the lucky few.
Or maybe, just maybe, by the time you are 101 years-old, the complications of life are settled. The kids are raised. The service member retired. The house is the same one we've lived in for 40 years. Maybe our marriages really will boil down to a state of simple sugar: Food. Acceptance. Love.
I like to think so. But I still have no idea how you get there from here. Reading about these long married couples is like checking the answers at the back of the algebra book before you do the problem. Sure, you know the equation and you know the answer, but you can't possibly show your work in the space provided.
[Have an opinion about this article? Visit
the military
spouse discussion board.]
 Email
this page to friends
© 2005 Jacey Eckhart. All opinions expressed
in this article are the author's and do not necessarily reflect those
of Military.com.
|
