Gene Thomas Gomulka
is a retired Navy Chaplain with over 30
years of pastoral and military experience.
Having received the Alfred Thayer Mahan Award
from the Secretary of the Navy "for literary
achievement and inspirational leadership,"
his goal is to promote better military marriages.
To learn more about his recent works, The
Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military,
and his Marriage and Military Life inventory
for dating and married couples, visit the
Survival
Guide for Marriage in the Military Website.
We have only been married two months and my husband will soon be deploying
to Iraq.
I don't want the deployment to weaken our love for one another. Any
recommendations?
Melissa
---
Dear Melissa,
While deployments
can weaken some relationships, they can also help other couples appreciate
each other all the more. Dating and married partners should employ
personal, effective and economical ways of communicating with one
another during long periods of separation. Options vary from location
to location (e.g., e-mail, calling cards, video teleconferencing or
authorized overseas DSN access to CONUS commands within local calling
distance to relatives).
The most common and economical way of communicating today is via e-mail.
As I mention in my book, studies have shown that e-mail "boosts morale,
increases confidence and self-assuredness throughout the separation,
provides greater emotional connectedness between military personnel
and their loved ones and eases reunion and reintegration that historically
is the most challenging phase of deployments." While e-mail is faster
and more economical than the postal service, some couples feel that
hand-written letters or cards on anniversaries and special occasions
are more meaningful and appreciated than electronic communications.
Operational security (OPSEC) may at times preclude sending or receiving
postal or electronic mail. Hence, the lack of communication should
not be construed as a lack of love. A number of valid reasons may
exist why your partner may be out of touch for a period of time. If
there is a serious problem, you can ordinarily expect to receive an
American Red Cross message or to be contacted by a command representative.
Prior to deployments, family members should be well informed of how
to contact their military loved ones in cases of emergency.
The frequency of communications during deployments will vary according
to circumstances and events both at home and with the deployed command.
Family responsibilities, particularly if there are small children
at home, can affect the ability of a person to communicate as much
as he or she might like. Some partners have more free time to communicate
than others. Hence, one should not judge a partner's commitment by
the number of letters or e-mails that others might receive.
Finally, partners should not write while they are angry. While communications
during extended periods of separation can enhance relationships, they
also have the potential to weaken relationships. So, if you or your
partner ever become upset, calm down and give more thought to a particular
matter before pushing the "send" button or mailing the letter.
